TheTruth64 wrote:Does anyone know of resources (or Bible passages) that might serve as encouragement/guidance for this shocking update. I am the one who started this post (seperated from my wife for over 6 years now). I was once a committed Christian man (or so I thought), and recently ended a 10 month affair with a woman I worked with (my estranged wife was aware of it).
I ended the affair out of guilt. However, I have not loved my wife for some time now. 6 years of seperation has a way of doing that to a person
I know I need to begin reconciling (my wife is now open to it), but I have no great desire to do so. Any suggestions for a recovering adulterer?
It is good to read of someone desiring to honor God and put things right when so many seek to ignore and cover up. What I offer below, I offer as someone who knows only a little of all the circumstances (from what I've read on this thread), so please consider all below with prayer, asking God to speak through whatever is redeemable. My advice also assumes that she wants a Godly marriage. Please forgive me if I assume something that isn't true.
Three words to ponder :
Repentance,
Humility and
Service
I would start the entire process with humble repentance. Before we can be in right relationships with others,
we have to be in right relationship with God. Unrepentant sin will disrupt our relationship with God and if left unaddressed, will destroy it. You should ask forgiveness of God for the sins and mistakes you've made in relationship with your wife, both before the split and after. Commit yourself to turn from those sins and instead practice the commands of Jesus.
Part of repentance is making things right with those who were wronged or affected by your actions. This probably includes (but may not be limited to) your wife, your kids and the woman in the affair. I would go to each of them in person, ask forgiveness for what you've done, and describe specifically your intentions to live a Godly life.
DO NOT bring up anything they may have done to wrong you or to contribute to the sin. Just simply repent for your sin with humility.
I would begin to pray that God would give you a desire for your wife. However, from my marriage, I've seen that desire is not a magical force that comes on you from outside like Cupid's arrow. It is built, grown, maintained and preserved by you. In your taking Godly action to reconcile back into your marriage, you will find a Godly desire for your wife and marriage growing in you. But we must seek to do what is right regardless of our feelings.
In order to reconcile with your wife, it is important that she see that you are truly committed to her and seek to love her "...as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her." This means laying your own needs aside to serve her.
Before ending the separation, you should begin to pray for her and unselfishly give to her, expecting nothing in return.
Also, I would seek out a Godly, married couple and ask them to meet with you and your wife on a consistent basis with the goal of helping the two of you work out the practical aspects of rebuilding a Godly marriage. As God works in both of you, you can decide with your wife when to take the next steps.
My prayers are with you as you seek to be a Godly husband.
Ephesians 5:25-33
Dave