The reason for my thread below.

[brody196]

Thanks guys and girls for all of your responses in my "I wish I had more of the HS thread".. All of you have given some very good advice and wisdom. The reason I am starting another thread is because I am taking the conversation in a very different direction, and I am eager to hear/read your thoughts on what I am about to share.

I feel as if I should share a little more background on what I am talking about. Please know that before I tell my personal struggle, that I understand if you do not understand what I am about to say.

For about 11 or so years I have struggled with a very strange issue. I have a phobia or problem leaving my town. When I attempt to leave, I get a very sick feeling, almost like a panic attack. This is very inconvenient considering the small size of the town in which I live. I have had breakthroughs here and there, but I lose the majority of the time. I was not there for either of my children' births(they were born 30 miles from my town), and I have missed many good opportunities because of this rare and strange condition.

I was very fortunate to be blessed with an understanding and loving wife, who has never got to experience going on vacations with her husband, out to eat at nice restaurants, ETC... My little girl is in tee ball now, and I shudder to think that I am going to miss her first game because I can't travel just nine miles to watch her game. I have also been in some serious pain due to dental problems that have developed in the last year or so, but as you probably have guessed, the nearest dentist is 30 miles from my town.

My attitude is very positive about all of this, God has really been there for me, and I can't really complain one bit. I glorify Christ in this matter, and will never give up. But I do get weary sometimes, and I am sure that this problem has some kinda purpose. Though I have no clue what that purpose is.


On a final note, I have been to several Doctors and such, but there only cure comes in the form of very addictive mind altering drugs. I absolutely refuse to take anything that turns me into a walking corpse. I trust that God can heal me.

What do you think?

[Michelle]

Hi Brody,

I read this last night and ever since then I wanted to reply with something; I just don't know what. I'm not a very good counsellor so I'm not prepared to give any advice. I wanted you to know, however, that I read it. I didn't want to just leave this standing there with no reply.

Thanks guys and girls for all of your responses in my "I wish I had more of the HS thread".. All of you have given some very good advice and wisdom. The reason I am starting another thread is because I am taking the conversation in a very different direction, and I am eager to hear/read your thoughts on what I am about to share.

I feel as if I should share a little more background on what I am talking about. Please know that before I tell my personal struggle, that I understand if you do not understand what I am about to say.

I don't understand as in having lived with the same kind of anxiety, but I do understand, from experience, living in difficult and non-usual circumstances, about which most people would just tell me, "just get over it," or, "get professional help." I do have friends with phobias other people find strange, but I don't think you or my friends are strange.

For about 11 or so years I have struggled with a very strange issue. I have a phobia or problem leaving my town. When I attempt to leave, I get a very sick feeling, almost like a panic attack. This is very inconvenient considering the small size of the town in which I live. I have had breakthroughs here and there, but I lose the majority of the time. I was not there for either of my children' births(they were born 30 miles from my town), and I have missed many good opportunities because of this rare and strange condition.

I was very fortunate to be blessed with an understanding and loving wife, who has never got to experience going on vacations with her husband, out to eat at nice restaurants, ETC... My little girl is in tee ball now, and I shudder to think that I am going to miss her first game because I can't travel just nine miles to watch her game. I have also been in some serious pain due to dental problems that have developed in the last year or so, but as you probably have guessed, the nearest dentist is 30 miles from my town.

How awesome that your wife can serve God and you in this! I'm sure God will be glorified through your life. I'm praying that your pain will abate.

My attitude is very positive about all of this, God has really been there for me, and I can't really complain one bit. I glorify Christ in this matter, and will never give up. But I do get weary sometimes, and I am sure that this problem has some kinda purpose. Though I have no clue what that purpose is.

I can't help you with the purpose. I wish I could.

You started the other thread by saying you wished you had more of the Holy Spirit. Were you thinking, at that time, that your condition is some sort of symptom of walking according to the flesh and not in the Spirit? If so, it seems like you've moved away from that. (Praise God!)

Do you think most people get tired of the struggles? Coincidently on Monday I listened to Sunday's sermon from a church I used to attend. The message was this four-step process in living out the Christian life:

• exploring -> connecting -> growing -> thriving

The first two are the actions of a pre-Christian individual, the last two are the Christian being conformed by the Holy Spirit into the likeness of Christ. Of course the goal is to be thriving. The definition given for thriving was to be living out the Sermon on the Mount and to be characterized by the fruit of the Spirit. The examples given were Moses and Paul (in other words, to thrive is to write major portions of scripture, I suppose.) Strangely enough, it was Thriver Paul who called himself wretched, the chief of sinners, and prayed for the thorn in the flesh to be removed. I guess I can take from that the lesson that thriving doesn't mean having an easy time or reveling in total joy all the time.

All that was to say that I'm glad you shared your struggle and your weariness. I like praying for people, more-so, even, when I have something specific I'm able to pray about. I wish there was some even more tangible way I could help with your burden.

On a final note, I have been to several Doctors and such, but there only cure comes in the form of very addictive mind altering drugs. I absolutely refuse to take anything that turns me into a walking corpse. I trust that God can heal me.

I can relate. I should probably be on meds for depression, like many of my friends are, but I'm reluctant...

What do you think?

I think you're awesome.

[selah]

On another thread I wrote:

I went through all of the posts on this thread and see that Brody mentioned a very personal and serious subject, showing trust in the forum readers.

Brody, I will pray for you! I will search for your next thread and read it...and I commend for your bravery online! The Lord be with you! Matt. 8:26; Luke 8:24.

Brother, in hope of encouraging you, I included Matt 8:26 and Luke 8:24 (see above) because in those two scriptures we read that Jesus had the power to bring "a calm...there was a great calm." Be blessed with peace and power in Jesus.

[TK]

Hi Brody-

my first thoughts when reading your post was that it seemed quited odd- Until i stopped to think about all the odd things about me. i HATE to talk on the phone, for example. i have to talk on the phone a lot at work, but when i am home i avoid it like the plague. I HATE going to the dentist and put it off until its absolutely necessary and usually too late. I am mortified to lift my hands during worship. I want to, but they might as well weigh 10,000 lbs. they just wont go up. then i looked up stuff on the internet to try to figure out what kind of "phobia" you have. I'm still not sure.

But one thing I am reasonably sure of is that God wants you to be "whole." In other words, I do not believe that God "wants" you in this condition. You seem to be a "captive" of sorts and I believe that Jesus is able to set you free from your captivity.

I can only assume that you have prayed to be set free, and I also assume that you have had others pray for you as well. If you have, keep praying; if you haven't, then start.

I was wondering when the last time was that you tried to leave your town... or do you go into anxiety even thinking about doing so?

Thank you for sharing this with us,

TK

[Allyn]

Brody,

I do not have any good advice either. I will pray for you though.

Since, however, some are sharing their own shortcomings and since there is comfort in numbers, I will share what my phobias are.

1. I hate looking stupid so in trying to avoid it I tend to be it more.
2. I dislike eating out because I don't like the thought that a disgruntled employee has it out for the resturant and I would be one of the victims of food contamination.
3. I am generally an insecure person in relationships. I avoid friendships inadvertantly because losing a friend is much too hard on me.
4. I take on too much and usually it is on things I have no business taking on in the first place.
5. when I vacation (rarely do I take one) I am good for maybe 2 nights and then I am ready to be home in my own comfort zone.

These are a few of the things I struggle with. Most if not all I deal with in some form or fashion but they are still little demons in my life. I have found that the older I get the less important those shortcomings are to me. In fact I am not really bothered by any of them overly so and I try not to let them overflow into the lives of the ones I care about.

[Suzana]

Brody,
I would also like to join with others & continue in prayer about this - that God would bring some revelation regarding this, and show a way out. I cannot imagine either that it would be God's desire for you to remain captive to this anxiety. I also pray for continued grace and encouragement for both you and your wife as you wait on the Lord.

[darinhouston]

Not to diminish the lovingly empathic responses here, but having lived with someone close to me who has lived with phobias over the years, I have to tell everyone who hasn't experienced this sort of thing that it is NOTHING like the normal things we might "hate" or be reluctant or "afraid" to do. There is no way to compare such experiences, and it can absolutely be a captivity in the truest sense. There may well be medical issues such as hormonal imbalances that would not require psychotropic or other such drugs, and there may also be an "experiential" aspect that needs to be "dealt with" through counseling and the like. All I know is my heart and prayers are with you and also your family whom I can truly empathize with. I know God can rescue you, my brother, and I am praying for you. I don't have much more advice other than to not be afraid to seek counseling as to "early childhood" or relational/emotional aspects. I tend to think along the lines of Steve in this regard, and hold most psychotherapeutic nonsense as trash, but they're sometimes on to something (even a clock's right twice a day), and in my family member's case, it was most definitely a number of factors not the least of which was related to some deep-seeded family and personality related things, and the strength of the phobias has waxed and waned over the years seemingly tied to the circumstances that "raise" these issues in their life. Keep up the faith, and don't take your family's patience for granted!

[jwbp]

Hello,
I kow I do not write much here in this forum, so you may not know me well. But I would like to comment on your oringinal post here, and maybe share some of my experiences. I have had in the past what some people call OCD, and I have had plenty of panic attacks in the past as well. There were times-getting personal here-that I could not pick up a knife because I was scared that I would kill my wife! I went through some very weird and bad times with fears and anxieties in my life.
I'm not sure if this will help, but my last section of my life that I was going through these things was at a time that I became very angry and very bitter. Then bam! it hit me one morning; I had to go to NC from Fl and I started to have these panic attacks. It messed me up very badly. I didn't know what was going on. But I made myself go to NC anyway. I have had problems with worry before, but worry came in like crazy and added to this madness. I worried about haveing all kinds of diseases and it was really nuts. I never once went to a doctor about it, because God in His mercy led me to the right teachers at the right time and I saw that that was not the answer. So I did not go. I had no idea how long it would last, and it lasted on and off for at least a couple of years. And if I let myself bitter now, i could go right back to it.
The battle with OCD was interesting as well, very binding to me. It controls your life! Essentially, you believe this lie that something is going to happen to you if you do not do this or that--like having security in doing this or that so many times. But it is a fear, and a fear that can be conquered, just like panic attacks- there is a root there that has to be dealt with and it may take years, but it will stop as you deal with it.
I actual still deal with things thoughts-which is where the battle rages-but you just have to reconize the attack and know the truth and win.
I will say though, that this missionary named Cash Godbold came and talked one time at this school that I was in and his teaching has helped me tremendously. I can give you a copy if you wish, it is on cassette. But essentially, you have to fight this with Scripture, or I had to. Memorizing how much God loves you and His power toward you and the freedom He has given you to go to different places and who He is toward you and things like that. The Psalms are filled with these things. Anyways, memorizing them and filling every moment with these things. You know thinking about them all day, especially when you have these thoughts. And as the Holy Spirit brings up areas that you need to change, like those which may be the root of the problem, then memorize scripture accordingly. Also, I would say surrendering; like you want to go to a place and you are scared to because you may die or whatever, go anyways, determine to die if God wills. you may suffer panic, but fight it and do not let it get the best of you. And I would say talk especially during the panic attacks and cry or whatever it takes--talk about it to your wife, or someone who you can trust 100%--and it must be someone who youcan trust 100%, because even pastors or very godly people may not understand these things and lead you in a very bad path.
This takes time and you know when a person is scared to death to do a little thing and yet does it anyway, he is just as brave as one who is scared to beat up a robber and yet does it. If you need any more help or you want to tald more just let me know.

hope it helps

jwbp

[brody196]

My many thanks to every prayer and suggestion here.

I will continue to fight, and with God's help, I will win the battle. I have long thought that it is a spiritual issue, and I must continue to live the faith that I proclaim. God is faithful, and he has promised that I will not be tempted beyond what I can bear(1 Cor 10:13), but I get weak in the flesh sometimes and pray God will "will complete the work He has begun in me".

[darinhouston]

jwbp, my family member was also clearly OCD. It was very difficult on the whole family (and especially me) growing up.