Church Humor

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_Allyn
Posts: 422
Joined: Sat Nov 05, 2005 1:56 pm
Location: Nebraska

Church Humor

Post by _Allyn » Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:04 pm

Not sure where else to put this. It came to me by one form of communication my wife and I have, email (and yes, we communicate other ways as well :D )

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?


Charismatic : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.


Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None
Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.


Mormons : 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.


Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.


Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish :
What's a light bulb?

Churches of Christ :
Its not safe to change light bulbs while standing in water
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
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_Christopher
Posts: 437
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Location: Gladstone, Oregon

Post by _Christopher » Tue Dec 04, 2007 3:17 pm

very cute Allyn :)
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
"If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:31-32

_Suzana
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Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm

Post by _Suzana » Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:26 am

that is funny. :)
here's another one I like:
"The page cannot be found"
Possible causes:

• Baptist explanation: There must be sin in your life. Everyone else opened it fine.
• Presbyterian explanation: It's not God's will for you to open this link.
• Word of Faith explanation: You lack the faith to open this link. Your negative words have prevented you from realizing this link's fulfillment.
• Charismatic explanation: Thou art loosed! Be commanded to OPEN!
• Unitarian explanation: All links are equal, so if this link doesn't work for you, feel free to experiment with other links that might bring you joy and fulfillment.
• Buddhist explanation: .........................
• Episcopalian explanation: Are you saying you have something against homosexuals?
• Christian Science explanation: There really is no link.
• Atheist explanation: The only reason you think this link exists is because you needed to invent it.
• Church counselor's explanation: And what did you feel when the link would not open?

HTTP 404 - File not found - Internet Explore
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
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_Christopher
Posts: 437
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2005 5:35 pm
Location: Gladstone, Oregon

Post by _Christopher » Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:36 pm

cute again Suzana.


How bout adding...

Dispensationalist explanation: The link got raptured....and you got left behind. :wink:
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
"If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:31-32

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_TK
Posts: 698
Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2006 12:10 pm
Location: Northeast Ohio

Post by _TK » Thu Dec 06, 2007 7:48 am

Or...

Christian Universalist explanation: The link will be found after a period of correction in Gehenna.
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
"Were not our hearts burning within us? (Lk 24:32)

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