Memo to Jonathan Edwards

[steve]

This memo to Jonathan Edwards from his church secretary came, by a strange providence, into my hands today, and I thought it might interest our participants, and possibly provoke discussion:


Memo to: Jonathan Edwards
Re: Your sermon "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God"

The Spanish Inquisition called (I never expected them!). They want their doctrine back. They feel that they, being the inventors of the trademark "God the Torturer" motif, have the rights to control its use in sermons and publications. Between ourselves, they seem to be jealous that the Protestant movement can reap the same benefits as they themselves got out of the doctrine, which was created specifically for the purpose of keeping "protesters" and "dissidents" loyal to the Roman Catholic communion. They say they think it unethical for you to take their innovation and to put it to a use contrary to its intended purpose. You will be hearing from their attorneys.

[Suzana]

Ha! Though I am sometimes a bit too naive for my liking, I sense something a little bit out of kilter here...so, who actually wrote this? Or should I say, when? Like, was it this morning?

[steve]

You doubt the authenticity of this document? Would you like to see the carbon-14 test results? Actually, it was channeled to me, just this morning (while I was in the shower) by the disembodied (and apparently eternally-tormented) shade of Edwards' secretary (of course, I wrapped myself in a towel when she knocked on the bathroom door). You doubt the veracity of this story?

[Suzana]

Now that I've stopped laughing...
Steve, I worry about you. I had actually almost asked about the possibility of automatic writing having happened but didn't want to cast aspersions....
BTW, I have heard that carbon-14 testing can be unreliable. I guess I'll have to trust in your professional integrity.

[steve]

There is much to worry about. I may finally have snapped.

[darinhouston]

Of course, if it were translated from reformed egyptian heiroglyphics, I think I would have an easier time believing you.

[Michelle]

There is much to worry about. I may finally have snapped.

That's kind of a shame for you, but it's pretty entertaining for the rest of us.

I guess it's true that no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.

[steve]

Michelle,

You didn't say that correctly. Its: "Noooooooooooooooobuddy expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

If you make another mistake like that, you will be sentenced to..........THE COMFY CHAIR!

[Michelle]

Our chief weapon is surprise. And fear. Fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise. And ruthless efficiency. Our three weapons are...

[steve]

That always reminded me of Agur's, "Three things are too wonderful for me...no, make that four!" (Prov.30:18; cf. 30:21, 29; 6:16 my paraphrase) and Amos' "for three transgressions...or is it four...?" (Amos 1:3, 6, 9, 11, 13; 2:1, 4, 6 my paraphrase).

[with apologies to all those culturally-deprived folks who are unfamiliar with Monte Python]