The arminian then says " So many choices!"
joke
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_21centpilgrim
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:47 pm
- Location: portland, OR
joke
OK , so a calvinist and an armianian go to McDonalds to get some food, getting ready to order the calvinist says "I don't know you choose for me."
The arminian then says " So many choices!"
The arminian then says " So many choices!"
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason:
"The goal of theology is the worship of God
The posture of theology is on ones knees
The mode of theology is repentance."
Sinclair Ferguson
The posture of theology is on ones knees
The mode of theology is repentance."
Sinclair Ferguson
Don't forget the open theist, who says, "It is impossible for anyone to know what will actually be served."
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason:
Paidion
Avatar --- Age 45
"Not one soul will ever be redeemed from hell but by being saved from his sins, from the evil in him." --- George MacDonald
Avatar --- Age 45
"Not one soul will ever be redeemed from hell but by being saved from his sins, from the evil in him." --- George MacDonald
A Calvinist fell down a flight of stairs. After picking himself up, and brushing himself off, he said, "Well, I'm glad that's over with."
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason:
In Jesus,
Steve
Steve
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_SoaringEagle
- Posts: 285
- Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:40 pm
- Location: Louisville, KY
You guys are something else, really. 8)
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason:
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_brody_in_ga
- Posts: 237
- Joined: Fri Dec 23, 2005 8:55 pm
- Location: Richland Ga
How many does it take to change a light bulb?.....
How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
One - since his or her hands are in the air anyway.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on..
How many Baptists?
CHANGE?? But we have NEVER done it that way before!
How many Neo-evangelicals?
No one knows. They cannot tell the difference between light and darkness.
How many Pentecostals?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness...
How many TV evangelists?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation...
How many Fundamentalists?
ONLY ONE because any more would be compromise and ecumenical... (standards of light would slip.)
How many Charismatics?
None - unless the Lord leads.
How many Dispensationalists?
Two - one to change the bulb and one to keep the promises to the old bulb.
How many Promise Keepers?
None - unless Coach McCartney says it's manly to do so.
How many Calvinists?
Every Calvinist knows only God can change a lightbulb.
How many Episcopalians?
None, they assume darkness is the nature of the bulb and it would be harmful and disrespecful to violate personality of the bulb.
How many Charismatics?
Two - one to change the bulb, the other to have a breakthrough.
How many Quakers?
Someone will, but there is no one officially called to be a bulb changer.
How many Arminians?
Only one, but first the bulb must want to be changed.
How many Charismatics?
None - unless the Spirit witnesses to their spirit man that it should be done.
How many Baptists?
Two, one to change the bulb, the other to preach on tithing in order to pay for the new bulb.
How many Premillennialists?
While knowing where the lightbulbs are, they are persuaded to wait for the official lightbulb changer but no one knows when he will arrive.
How many Arminians?
Since the bulb has free will - it must make the decision.
How many Amillennialists?
Two, one to change the bulb, the other to remind others not to fear the
old darkness or trust the new light--both are only symbolic.
How many Postmillennialists?
One, but now he has to rethink his eschatology....
How Many Liberal Christians?
None - they don't think it needs to be changed.
How many Evolutionists?
None - it will change itself - it will just take billions and billions of years.
How many Lutherans?
17 - 5 to form a commitee to find and nominate 9 people to a committee which shall then discuss the issues of light bulb changing, from which that commitee shall appoint three other people to carry out the final resolution of the second committee - which is that one person shall supervise while one changes the bulb and one will follow up in one month's time to investigate the performance of the bulb.
How many Modern Evangelicals?
It doesn't matter as long as we love each other.
How many Seventh Day Adventists?
Just one - as long as it isn't Saturday.
How many Charismatics?
30 - 1 to change the bulb and 29 to laugh about it!
How many Mormons?
None - it's beneath the character of a god to stoop and change a light bulb.
How many Atheists?
1 - but they are still in darkness.
How many Independent Baptists?
Only one, anymore than that would be considered ecumenical.
How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
One - since his or her hands are in the air anyway.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on..
How many Baptists?
CHANGE?? But we have NEVER done it that way before!
How many Neo-evangelicals?
No one knows. They cannot tell the difference between light and darkness.
How many Pentecostals?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness...
How many TV evangelists?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation...
How many Fundamentalists?
ONLY ONE because any more would be compromise and ecumenical... (standards of light would slip.)
How many Charismatics?
None - unless the Lord leads.
How many Dispensationalists?
Two - one to change the bulb and one to keep the promises to the old bulb.
How many Promise Keepers?
None - unless Coach McCartney says it's manly to do so.
How many Calvinists?
Every Calvinist knows only God can change a lightbulb.
How many Episcopalians?
None, they assume darkness is the nature of the bulb and it would be harmful and disrespecful to violate personality of the bulb.
How many Charismatics?
Two - one to change the bulb, the other to have a breakthrough.
How many Quakers?
Someone will, but there is no one officially called to be a bulb changer.
How many Arminians?
Only one, but first the bulb must want to be changed.
How many Charismatics?
None - unless the Spirit witnesses to their spirit man that it should be done.
How many Baptists?
Two, one to change the bulb, the other to preach on tithing in order to pay for the new bulb.
How many Premillennialists?
While knowing where the lightbulbs are, they are persuaded to wait for the official lightbulb changer but no one knows when he will arrive.
How many Arminians?
Since the bulb has free will - it must make the decision.
How many Amillennialists?
Two, one to change the bulb, the other to remind others not to fear the
old darkness or trust the new light--both are only symbolic.
How many Postmillennialists?
One, but now he has to rethink his eschatology....
How Many Liberal Christians?
None - they don't think it needs to be changed.
How many Evolutionists?
None - it will change itself - it will just take billions and billions of years.
How many Lutherans?
17 - 5 to form a commitee to find and nominate 9 people to a committee which shall then discuss the issues of light bulb changing, from which that commitee shall appoint three other people to carry out the final resolution of the second committee - which is that one person shall supervise while one changes the bulb and one will follow up in one month's time to investigate the performance of the bulb.
How many Modern Evangelicals?
It doesn't matter as long as we love each other.
How many Seventh Day Adventists?
Just one - as long as it isn't Saturday.
How many Charismatics?
30 - 1 to change the bulb and 29 to laugh about it!
How many Mormons?
None - it's beneath the character of a god to stoop and change a light bulb.
How many Atheists?
1 - but they are still in darkness.
How many Independent Baptists?
Only one, anymore than that would be considered ecumenical.
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason:
For our God is a consuming fire.
Hebrews 12:29
Hebrews 12:29
When two or three Epicopalians are gathered together, how many are there? One more than you think - there is sure to be a "fifth".
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason:
A Berean