Difficult Subject

Burbary
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:24 pm

Re: Difficult Subject

Post by Burbary » Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:13 am

Thanks for writing Ian,

It has taken me so long to write as I wrote something right after you posted and then somehow deleted it. It took the wind out of my sails.

The son I knew in day to day life was afraid of getting his blood drawn. He had Crohn's disease and had to get his blood drawn routinely and dreaded it. He would only get it done by one particular tech as she was gentle. How he took the leap from there to buying a shot gun and committing suicide has tortured MY BRAIN for the last year. However, in his computer he sounds like an entirely different person talking about all the signs God was sending him and how they were so clear he couldn't understand how everyone couldn't see them.

Most people have been like you. A person can have a disease of any part of their body. One believer said to me that they wouldn't want to stand before God having committed suicide. That was said at the memorial. I replied that I was sure God would judge Andy the same way he would judge that believer when he died from the heart disease he suffered from.

In the last year I have read book after book, medical journal after medical journal about mental illness and suicide. So many people are afraid to reach out for help because of the stigma associated with it. People react like it is a moral failing. Healthcare benefits are less for mental illness than someone diagnosed with a stroke, a brain tumor or Alzheimer's which can cause similar symptoms and outcomes. However, no one would dream of saying some of the things that have been said to me to people with those diagnoses.

I have on his computer his voice where he was praying to God for healing for his psychiatric problems. He was doing everything he had been taught by me and his pastors since he was a little guy.

Today is one year since he took his life.

Thanks for your kind words, they helped a lot.

Burbary

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Ian
Posts: 489
Joined: Sun Oct 18, 2009 2:26 am

Re: Difficult Subject

Post by Ian » Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:47 pm

Hi Burbary,

I don`t have my own children so can scarcely imagine your pain on this day.

There are books written by Christian psychiatrists on this, this one by John White for example: http://www.amazon.com/The-Masks-Melanch ... 361&sr=8-1

On a practical note, try to keep the physical and mental in balance during this time. Get the blood coursing through your veins, in whatever way you enjoy most. My own release is to get outdoors (I live very close to the Alps). I need the chaotic beautiful shapes of nature as an antidote to the oh-so-orderly straight lines of the city, the four walls of my study included. God is able to "get through" to me more easily out there than in here.
If you do all this already, please forgive my presumption.

Burbary
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:24 pm

Re: Difficult Subject

Post by Burbary » Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:25 pm

Ian,

Thank you for the link to the book. I just ordered it. Before that, I came in from a 5 mile walk. No Alps around here, I live in the suburbs of Detroit, MI. We do have some lovely areas with rivers and lakes though.

When Andy was little, we rode our bikes constantly. It was then he asked his first "God Question."

Andy: "Hey Mom, if God made everything....who made God?" I nearly drove off the path.
Me: "Andy! Why are you asking me that question?"
Andy: "Because you're my Mother."

He was always searching, searching, searching after that. I could have never imagined it would have lead to this.

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