a question about trials

[Guest]

I have some general questions about testings and trials, and would like to throw them out for some responses.

First, I'm working with the assumption that most would agree that God allows trials to come into our lives as a way of testing and improving our faith. None of us, I'm sure, are immune to these kinds of testings. They may come in the form of physical difficulty, financial stress, relational problems, prejudice, and so on (I'm removing from the list direct persecution because of our faith - for the sake of this conversation).

My questions: how does one pass the "test" if the test does not end? What does "passing the test" mean - what does it look like in the believer's life? How does one know if he/she is "passing the test?" Likewise, how does one know if she/he has failed/is failing the test? Is it possible to be "passing the test" while at the same time feel like the opposite is true?

Right now I am suffering from a broken relationship with a teenage daughter. I did nothing wrong to initiate the estrangement, and cannot fix it. It continually offers me challenges that require wisdom, strength, and understanding that I do not possess. I see it as a possible instrument that God is using to improve my person. But I would hate to one day stand before my Lord and discover that I did not handle the test in a way that honored Him. Sometimes I get so afraid of failure, that I am fearful of doing anything (perhaps like the foolish servant who buried his master's talent).

Anyway .... looking forward to some responses on my questions above ..

peace,

dane

[Guest]

My questions: how does one pass the "test" if the test does not end? What does "passing the test" mean - what does it look like in the believer's life? How does one know if he/she is "passing the test?" Likewise, how does one know if she/he has failed/is failing the test? Is it possible to be "passing the test" while at the same time feel like the opposite is true?

I wish I could offer something other than commiseration, but I can't. I, too, have been in a long period of testing, and I haven't been able to get feedback on my performance from the Tester. Maybe focusing on how I'm doing isn't the point, but the test grows more onerous every day (seven years and counting). I like to think I've done well, although I've done very poorly at times.

I know my character has improved during this time, and I don't know what else I'm supposed to learn.

I didn't mean to hijack this to write about my own issues, but I wanted to confirm that your frustrations/questions are not strange or out of order.

I've actually recently realized (after a period of very poor coping with the problem) that I'd been getting through on natural effort, and that would only take me so far. My failure was a wake up call that my strength was not sufficient to carry me through. Maybe that's the lesson I needed.

I know I don't rely on God as much as I should. It's my daily struggle to surrender. Maybe I'll be in this struggle for the rest of my life. I hope not, but I'm forced to conclude that the test is continuing not because of the cruelty of the Teacher, but because of the failure of the student to learn.

[Guest]

I think it is important to know that God doesn't put trials on a person in order to teach him a lesson.

Has anyone read Melanie's story, told by Gregory Boyd in the Introduction to his book? It recounts Boyd's personal discussion with a woman who lost her passion for Christ after her baby died at birth. Melanie was taught in church that such things occur in order that God might teach us a lesson. But God didn't reveal to her what lesson was to be learned, and so she went into a state of despondency.

You can read this fascinating story by following the steps below:

1. Go to the following website:

Melanie's Story[

2. Click "Search inside this book"

3. You will see the word "Search" in an oblong at the left side of the page, followed by the words "Inside this book". Immediately below in the blank, type "Introduction", and press "GO".

4. Click on "on page 1".

5. You will see a little black triangle pointing left. Click on that, and the chapter page will fill your screen from left to right.

6. Press F11 and you'll get rid of most of the stuff on top of your screen to give you more reading room. (You can undo this by pressing F11 again).

7. When you finish reading the first page, click the white triangle at the right to load the next page.

This will not take you through the whole story. To read the rest, repeat steps 2 through 7 with step 4 being "on page 13".

Repeat once more with step 4 being "on page 15" and you will have read the whole story.

[Guest]

Dane,

I notice a little disconnect in your post. In the scriptures I see a general pattern where God may ask something of someone and , in the process, God provides the power/ability to accomplish the task. If God is testing you with your daughter then I believe he will also provide you the ability to change the situation. If, as you have said, you can not fix the situation then you have to decide whether God is not testing you or whether you have not yet ascertained the solution. In my life I have found that God's timetable is different from mine. He sometimes has to teach me principles upon which I can base my judgement and action. This can frustratingly take years.

livingink

[Guest]

My questions: how does one pass the "test" if the test does not end? What does "passing the test" mean - what does it look like in the believer's life? How does one know if he/she is "passing the test?" Likewise, how does one know if she/he has failed/is failing the test? Is it possible to be "passing the test" while at the same time feel like the opposite is true?

Hi Dane

One concept I find I periodically need to remind myself of:

“It’s not all about me”

Other people with free choice are involved. Life happens.

Jesus said “in this world you will have tribulation.”

I think this whole life is a test, and our responses to anything that happens need to be in accordance with our new spiritual nature, and in compliance with the character of Christ, rather than reacting to circumstances through the inclinations of our old self. eg. Not in anger, or bitterness, etc; ensuring we maintain a sweet spirit. I think this is one way of judging whether we are passing the test.
As to whether we need to take specific actions, I think we need to be open and responsive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Perhaps God does not necessarily need to bring specific trials to us very often – there are enough of them about for God to use if needed for our development, just by our presence in a fallen world.

Rom 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helps our infirmities. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
Rom 8:27 And He searching the hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Rom 8:29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestinated to be conformed to the image of His Son, for Him to be the First-born among many brothers.

Right now I am suffering from a broken relationship with a teenage daughter. I did nothing wrong to initiate the estrangement, and cannot fix it.

I have friends who had a similar experience. Their daughter (backslidden & ‘living in sin’) at one stage cut off all contact. They made sure she was made aware of their continued love for her, (while not condoning her behaviour); and just continued praying for her. I remember the mother said at the time she was keeping a prayer journal, in case of it being desirable at any stage for the daughter to be shown proof that she had not been forgotten, and also God’s answers/leading through various specific prayers. At present, though the daughter is still backslidden, a really good relationship has been restored.

Paidion, thanks for posting that link; what I've read so far sounds good.

[Guest]

Dane, while I can't relate to your situation since it's one of your own children I do understand what it's like to not know what decision(s) to make (if any) for fear of doing or saying too much or the wrong thing. Dealing with people, especially family members is most difficult for me, as I don't know what to say without the fear of being misunderstood and the realization that you being misunderstood is a result of saying the wrong thing. Catch 22. I can't help except to say I know what it's like to not know what to do while you feel like you are being tested.

Peace,
Sean

[Guest]

I like to read Hebrews Chapter 11 whenever I am in your condition (which seems like a lot lately, I have 3 teenagers testing their faith and mine).

Heb 11:4 By faith Abel …
Heb 11:5 By faith Enoch was translated …
Heb 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: …
Heb 11:7 By faith Noah, …
Heb 11:8 By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out …
Heb 11:11 Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, …

Abraham and Sara are remembered in the New Testament as people of faith even though the Old Testament tells us they were far from perfect. God forgets the sins and failures of those who remain faithful.

[Guest]

Hi Dane,

You asked:

My questions: how does one pass the "test" if the test does not end?

One passes the test by remaining "faithful until death". A problem involving another person may well last a lifetime in spite of all we do. We are responsible for doing the right thing, not the results.

What does "passing the test" mean - what does it look like in the believer's life?

I believe passing the test means doing the loving thing. "Love never fails". This does not mean we get the desired result, but we do not fail if we act in love. And the loving thing is what is best for the other person, which can be something they do not want.

How does one know if he/she is "passing the test?" Likewise, how does one know if she/he has failed/is failing the test?

I do not believe in either case that we can know if we pass or fail the test based on the results, which are dependant on the free-will response of another person. We can only know if we pass or fail if we have been faithful to God's will in the matter. Again, we can be confident we are in His will when we act in love, which likely will require wisdom only God can give:

James 1:5 (New King James Version)

5. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

I would suggest that you seek the advice of one or more Godly elders if you can. The wisdom God gives you may come through the counsel of others.

Is it possible to be "passing the test" while at the same time feel like the opposite is true?

This is possible for sure if, by "passing the test", we mean getting the desired result out of the other person. Also if we are in doubt whether we are in God's will. I sometimes struggle with this. Again, I believe the counsel of Godly Christians you can confide in can be a big help.

God bless you in your struggle.

[Guest]

Seth, Paidion, livingink, Suzana, Sean, Murf & Homer:

Thank you all for your insights and encouragment. It is quiet obvious that you all have invested some thought into these questions long before they were ever posed by me.

If I have gained one thing through this particular trial it is the simple reminder that I cannot go at this like a Lone Ranger. To disconnect myself from others who care does a great disservice to both me and them. (Sometimes I wonder why the most obvious thing is the very item that I learn last.. :)

peace,

dane

[_Steve]

Hi Dane,

I didn't see this thread until today, but I find that the things I would have written have been covered, particularly in Homer's post.

I believe that nothing is required of us other than to be Christ-like in our response to trials. What is Christ-like? At least the following:

1. Trusting in the goodness and sovereignty of God in every circumstance—even recognizing a cross as "the cup that my Father has given me;"

2. Loving God regardless of the contents of the "cup" that He gives us to drink;

3. Loving those who may be the cause of our grief.

I do not agree that God never uses trials to teach us things. Many Christ-like traits can barely be learned without suffering, and God knows this. The infliction of disciplines (which are not always punishments for things done wrong, but may only be analogous to the adding of weight plates to the barbell of a weight-lifter in training), is simply a part of the training of His children to partake of His holiness and to produce the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Heb.12:10-11).

The lessons learned through sufferings include, but are not limited to, the following:

1) Obedience (Hebrews 5:8/ Ps.119:71)
2) Compassion (Hebrews 2:18; 4:15/ Ex.23:9)
3) Dependence upon God alone (2 Cor.1:8-9)
4) Humility (2 Cor.12:7)

If, in the midst of protracted testing, we maintain our trust in God, even if nothing improves over time, our very steadfastness (i.e., our faith—1 John 5:4) is the victory and is what "passing the test" consists in.