Hi, decided to introduce myself here.....

[Robin]

Been watching and reading the forum and the Narrow Path for about a month.

Don't know what to say about myself except that I'm tired. My testimony is similiar to Steve's....got saved in 72' when I was 11. Baptized in the Spirit at 13. Great time in life. God was real and present. His people were full of love and excitement about his Kingdom and one-another. So long ago.

Since then, we've left the I.C. and came back again (very small town) due to changing theologies and wanting....more. I"ve read, researched the home church movement, emergent church movement, and the challenge of the traditional Chrisianity that I had always known. Because my traditions are connected to my experience with God, I get frightened at questioning and thinking in new directions. Makes me wonder if I ever knew Him at all. But I know that I did, And I know that I do.

As I've adopted new positions/understandings on the ekklesia, my husband has felt a separateness between us...even tho we still love the same God and the same Savior.

I feel so isolated and alone. Sometimes I want to reach out and understand what God is doing today in the Body, sometimes I want to go back in time to that safe place.

We live in a small town in the middle of Kansas. We've homeschooled all of our children alone (no groups around). We're more involved with unbelievers than church-goers. My husband, an ex-pastor has been a security officer at the local prison. My marriage is great, but we don't have fellowship either. We will have three kids graduating next year.

I used to so sure of my beliefs and myself. I knew what I knew and why I knew it. I debated on forums, etc. Now, I don't know much of anything at all except that Jesus loves me and try to love Him. I have to admit that as I've listened to Steve's lectures (not too many at this point), I'v realized that his evolving theology perspectives don't seem to shake him up. He seems secure in not being sure . I'm envious of his peace. Hoping to find th same.

Sorry to sound so depressing. It's just the overall reality of what's happening and not happening in my life these days.
Will keep reading, learning and trusting God for the faith to live this day for him.
Blessings,
robin

[glow]

Hi Robin,
You can go into my personal mail and chat with me if you'd like.I think part of your experience is it sounds like you are so isolated.
Also I believe the spirit of the world (certainly not speaking of the HS here) is quite active and I think being Christians esp. women we are very sensitive to it ( negative vibes)and can be brought down emotionally.Add all our hormonal changes and whoa!
It takes a personal relationship with the Lord and people around us to keep going forward in peace .There are good days and some "not so good" days.Its part of or walk on the planet.
I have certainly had both and struggle also as a widow.

God bless you and I am glad you introduced your self, Glow

[Robin]

Thank-you Glow very much.

It's the isolation for so long. I miss worshipping with God's people..loving God with others, learning of Jesus together and loving each other. Ah...now that is 'heaven on earth'.

Which brings me to my current course of study...'thy Kingdom come, thy will be done; on earth as it is heaven'. I'm currently reading, "The Kingdom; The Emerging Rule of Christ Among Men" republished work of George Dana Boardman by Bob Mumford & Jack Taylor. Excellent.

Thank-you for your encouragement and invite.
Blessings,
robin

[RV]

Hi Robin,

I totally understand the the feeling of being isolated and alone. I also understand how it feels to have your world turned upside down when you start to discover different views.

You sort of sound like me in that you're not really comfortable not knowing.

When I was a new Christian, God seemed so active. It seemed He as though He spoke through everything. Sometimes I wonder if He still does and I'm just not hearing. But... when I look back, I now question if many of those things were God. In fact, I do believe some of those things probably weren't.

I too miss the fellowship of the past.

It's a strange place these days. When I look at what has happen; the progression of my faith and the learning I've done, it's much like coming to faith.

I often feel like I see things that others (in the faith) don't see. It's much like knowing that those outside of the faith don't see the things you do.

Great to meet you,

RV

[steve7150]

Because my traditions are connected to my experience with God, I get frightened at questioning and thinking in new directions. Makes me wonder if I ever knew Him at all. But I know that I did, And I know that I do.





It sounds like you know God but being isolated is certainly a hard problem. Fortunately with the internet you have access to teachings, sermons,forums and even church services online which may lift your spirits.
As far as God moving in your life, speaking for only myself , i focus on what Paul said in Eph 1 that we have already received all spiritual blessings and i live my life choosing to believe that and i try to esteem God and Christ in my mind before other things. For myself it keeps my spirit up because i choose to believe God is active in my life and he is very real to me.
Blessings to you, Steve7150

[Robin]

THanks folks...

So much to learn here! Looking forward to getting to know people and hopefully being a blessing as well.

robin