Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other man.

paulespino
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Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other man.

Post by paulespino » Thu Jun 07, 2018 8:39 am

I believe my wife is seeing other man.
When I confronted her about it she denies it.
But I know she is seeing someone else.
We have been together for 24 yrs.
And all the signs that she is having an affair is present.
She also said that she does not love me anymore
And wanted to leave me. She also wants me to leave.
The only reason we are still together is because I refused to leave her. We have 2 children . 1 is 17 yrs old and is still with us the other is 20 yrs. Old and has his own apt.
It was partly my fault coz overtime I lost my affections towards her. There was minimal physical intimacy.
Only once or twice a month. One of the reason for me loosing my intimacy with her is because I caught her having a long distance relationship in 2012.
Also I don't have proof nor any evidence to backup my assumptions that she is having an affair but I'm 200% sure that she is having an affair.
Should I leave since she said.that she does not love me anymore or should I stay and showed her that I have changed.

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steve
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Re: Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other

Post by steve » Thu Jun 07, 2018 10:16 am

Paul,

It breaks my heart to hear of your predicament. I have been in that situation twice in my life, and it is hard to imagine a more painful experience. I do not think you should leave your wife. If she leaves you, and divorces you, that will be upon her. At this point, you don't have proof of her infidelity (though the evidence is apparently abundant). I can understand your avoidance of intimacy, if you strongly believe she has been with someone else. She should understand this, too, but she sounds like she is not in a mood to be very "understanding." I think you should endure the tension between suspicion and certainty as long as you can. If you learn that she is certainly cheating, then there may be reason for you to move out and live separately, though I believe that you should still do whatever is reasonably possible to save the marriage.

paulespino
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Re: Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other

Post by paulespino » Thu Jun 07, 2018 1:30 pm

Thanks Steve.
Are circumstantial evidence which are the.only evidence
I have right now enough to justify my action of leaving
.
Also Steve, one of my bro in Christ suggested that I surrender everything to Christ. And even if I have evidence tlhat she is having an affair I must still stay in our house as a married couple until such time that she decided to leave our house in this case there is nothing I can do.

paulespino
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Re: Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other

Post by paulespino » Thu Jun 07, 2018 2:27 pm

Thank you very much Steve.
You have the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.
God bless

Singalphile
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Re: Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other

Post by Singalphile » Thu Jun 07, 2018 9:10 pm

I've had no similar experience, but I am also so sorry about your situation. My prayer for you: May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you.
... that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. John 5:23

paulespino
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Re: Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other

Post by paulespino » Fri Jun 08, 2018 9:22 am

Thank you so much Singalphile.
I truly need that encouragement.
It is very difficult to leave together with her
Knowing that she is seeing someone.
My worst fear is that her relationship with this person
Might be purely pleasure and nothing else.
And yet she is in denial and won't admit it.

Everybody that I know except 1 brother in Christ.
Thinks it is all in my head and that the devil is playing in my mind which I can tell you is not true.
God Bless you Singalphile

paulespino
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Re: Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other

Post by paulespino » Fri Jun 22, 2018 11:23 pm

Hi Steve
I read that my wife sent a FB message to you.
I found out about it because I always spy on her phone because I don't trust her. Last Tuesday at 4:30 am
I went up to our balcony to see what was happening
And I can hear her creating a sound that a only a person in pleasure can create. I mentioned it to her and she denied it. She is telling our pastors , friends, relatives and everybody that I have a mental health issue.
I always tell them may God judge me and my wife accordingly . Because I know that my accusations to her
Is honest and right.

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steve
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Re: Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other

Post by steve » Sun Jun 24, 2018 8:45 pm

Yes, your wife messaged me and told me you suspected her but assured me that she has been faithful and has loved only you for 24 years. I would not say that you have a mental health issue (I am in no position to speculate about that), but if your wife is so strongly protesting her innocence, I would not think you are right in continuing to accuse her. If she was not committed to continuing the marriage, why would she go to such measures as contacting me, seeking my intervention?

I had an unfaithful wife, many decades ago, who initially denied her cheating, but when I asked again later, she confessed to it. I think cheating spouses usually do not persist in lying about their affairs under interrogation, partly because, by definition, their marriage has ceased to mean much to them, and they feel they might as well be "out with it."

You need to guard your own behavior toward her and the marriage itself. What if she is innocent? If you can't believe her when she claims to be innocent, and you have no first-hand knowledge of her infidelity, it does seem that you have trust issues that themselves threaten destroy your marriage. If she wants to continue the marriage as normal, and you are merely suspicious, I think you need to get over it until you know more to the contrary. Remember, biblically, a person cannot be condemned of a crime without two or more witnesses.

I know what it is like to not feel that you can trust your wife, and it is tormenting. However, separating from her, or denying her intimacy, when you do not really know that she has done anything wrong will make you the violator to scripture, and the destroyer of your marriage. When a man has already adopted this kind of suspicion, every bump in the night becomes, in the imagination, a home-invasion. You definitely do need to get counseling with more than one sober Christian counsellor to get some outside perspective.

paulespino
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Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:02 am

Re: Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other

Post by paulespino » Wed Jun 27, 2018 10:23 pm

Hi brother Steve. Me and my wife separated for a few days after the 2nd day of our separation I decided to come back at 4am and I climbed up the balcony using a ladder. I heard a moaning sound a soundproduced by a couple making love. I was about to break the windows but my cell phone alarm sounded. And that was the moaning sound stopped. I confronted her she said that I was paranoid and crazy.
after 2 days of that incident she called me back trying to reconcile but after 1 day of being together I interrogated her again and argued. She called the police and police picked me up because there was an order from the judge that I can be picked by police anytime whenever she complained about me, apparently the whole thing was a setup . She knew we will argue again and was waiting for the right moment so she can call police . I was released from the hospital mental ward on the same day after a group of doctors determined that I was mentally fit.
Not all people will react in the same manner if pressured by means of interrogation.

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jarrod
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Re: Question to Steve Gregg: l believe my wife has other

Post by jarrod » Thu Jun 28, 2018 2:19 pm

I am being completely sincere, but I thought I would ask if you were taking any medication or other drugs (legal or not)?

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