I received an email asking about the licensing of marriages, and I answered. I here post both the question and my answer:
Steve,
Can you recommend any of your audio studies for a Christian who (after having had 3 failed marriages, and big monetary losses, and suffers some bitterness) is promoting avoiding the legal marriage contract based on the premise that Biblical marriage has been so distorted by our nation/state (California) that the personal covenant marriage is the only one that matters?? I discussed it with him at a party a little bit last night and found that I needed more scriptural evidence to support the idea that we Christians should still get married legally (even when one argues that married in God’s eyes is what matters, etc.). I was not very convincing (perhaps because I do see all the flaws and contradiction in the law too). I think I made some good points, but not as well as I would have liked. Anyway, if you can recommend anything – I would be indebted.
Thanks! D.P.
Hi Dayna,
On the matter of legal marriage, your friend has some validity to his point, but I would like to add at least one caveat. He is correct about the following:
1. There is no scripture giving the government the right to license (or dissolve) marriages;
2. The American government has shown its incompetence to be trusted with this responsibility, by licensing marriages that are not legitimate (e.g., of people whose previous divorces were not valid; same-sex couples, etc.) and by dissolving marriages which God would not see grounds for dissolving. Thus, the courts have proved themselves to be the enemies of Christian marriage;
3. Legitimate marriage is primarily a covenant made in the sight of God by two people who are at liberty to marry each other.
In Abraham's day, marriages were arranged and solumnized by the families of the bride and groom. There was no governmental interference. It would seem that God saw this as completely legitimate. However, it was not a private or secret arrangement made between a couple without public accountability, and it was binding for life.
I think it would be more biblical if churches would license their own marriages and hold their members accountable to keep their vows. Some say that this would not give sufficient motivation for the couples to stay together because there would be no government decree of marriage. However, marriages all currently have such a government decree, but it does not keep them together anyway. If churches enforced the marriages that they contracted, this would mean that anyone who violated their marriage covenants would come under church discipline. This would be more than the State currently does to those who violate its licenses. No doubt some people would still be unfaithful under a church-licensed arrangement, but they would at least know that the church is committed to enforcing their vows and bringing them under discipline if they default. The church could at least refuse to marry couples who are same-sex or who are not legitimately divorced from previous spouses.
You might find interesting my article called "What is Marriage" (which touches on this subject). It can be found under the "Topical Articles" link at my website.
My concern, without having talked to your friend, is that he (or others with his views) might use this reasoning in an attempt to enter a sexual relationship with a woman without having a true life-enduring intention, and without witnesses to keep them accountable for their promises.
Legal marriage might seem to provide a framework for a fair distribution of assets after a divorce, which might not be enforcible if the marriage only had the church as its licenser. Thus, partners with many assets at risk would feel more protected with the State standing behind their contract. However, this is assuming that the State will make a just decree on the matter, which is not likely (for example, I think that the party that defaults on the marriage vows should take nothing but his/her toothbrush and clothing when leaving). It also assumes that one is getting married with the possibility in mind that a divorce may occur. It is tragic that we live in times where this fear seems unavoidable.