Fatherless Sons and their Mothers

[selah]

Hi Everyone,

Fatherless young men, I believe, have unique challenges to forge pathways of success in adult life. This, I believe, is primarily a problem of self-identity. They don't know who they really are. Everyone needs to know who they really are because God-is-who-He-is, but I believe that fatherless men struggle with this most painfully.

Jesus said in Matt. 7:11, "If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him."

Even earthly fathers, "being evil," have a great gift for their sons, to demonstrate true manhood to their sons, but sons without earthly fathers feel a vacuum, emptiness, or dark void in their soul. When an adult man who was raised without a father-figure considers his identity, what does he see? If there is no father in his life, then the vacuum or empty place in his identity usually gets filled with some very harmful lies.

As a mother to fatherless sons----and I'll wager their are many, many, many, even reading this forum---I would like to ask, how are we supposed to mother our fatherless young adult sons? What should mothers do or say when their adult fatherless sons "talk trash" about themselves? What should mothers do or say when their adult fatherless sons pick-up habits that slowly or quickly destroy their health and chances for happiness? If you will post your life experiences, advice and Godly wisdom, I would read with interest!

I cringe at the advice to do nothing but pray because, while I definitely believe prayer is the primary and foundational thing to to, it can be used as a cop-out. When my sons were babies, they never got bottle or breast by praying about it alone. I had to take some action. Having said this, I realize that by the time a man reaches young adult life, prayer remains, in fact, the primary and foundational thing that a mother should do.

The chagrin that I feel toward "only pray" advice is this: For years, fatherless sons experience the silent emptiness of no-dad, no contact, no activity, no earthly-father messages--all leading to the vacuum or dark emptiness that I mentioned above. I have heard that they interpret other's silence as simply more of the same. SOMEONE HAS TO TO DO SOMETHING, RIGHT? Who is going to do it? SOMEONE NEEDS TO SAY SOMETHING, RIGHT? Who is going to say it?

Almost every young man leaves home. He questions the meaning of life, his perceptions, values, beliefs and worldview. He may or may not follow Jesus Christ. He looks for ways to provide his financial needs. He chooses friends and family, and maybe marries sooner or later. He has emotional needs too that can only be fulfilled by a father. What is a mother to do? What should mothers do when their fatherless adult sons wrestle with destructive self-concepts leading to self-destruction?

God bless,
Selah*

[Jepne]

Hi Selah - "Fathers" can show up in many places. In the fellowship I was part of in Texas, the men made efforts to take the young fatherless boys fishing, or help them with their sports - guy stuff. It was a wonderful fellowship. They preached God's love and discipleship.

I am seeing our societal failures as the failure of the Church.

My husband and I have very little flesh and blood family, but we have the family of God in abundance.

The following verse from Psalms has been a companion to me: "Where my mother and father have forsaken me, the Lord has taken me up."

Nice to see your face again. Jepne

[selah]

Hi Selah - "Fathers" can show up in many places. In the fellowship I was part of in Texas, the men made efforts to take the young fatherless boys fishing, or help them with their sports - guy stuff. It was a wonderful fellowship. They preached God's love and discipleship.

I am seeing our societal failures as the failure of the Church.

My husband and I have very little flesh and blood family, but we have the family of God in abundance.

The following verse from Psalms has been a companion to me: "Where my mother and father have forsaken me, the Lord has taken me up."

Nice to see your face again. Jepne

Jepne, how nice to "meet" you online. You said "again." Have we written each other before? I'm sorry I don't remember.

Same here about family; I have a wonderful family in Christ.

The young men that I see have a different story and my heart goes out to them. I agree with you that "our societal failures" are "the failure of the Church."

I see my role as a woman is to pray that Christian men will become active in reaching out to young men who have no earthly father, or whose fathers have let the young man down. The problem reminds me of the scripture where Jesus said that "the harvest is plentiful and the workers are few." However, I don't let myself off the hook so easily. If I am called to action, I must be ready too--to say or do as directed by the Holy Spirit. I'm watching a situation in my community wherein a young man failed miserably and is in need of discipleship. He is seeking, and the men in his church are considering sending him away from the church. I know enough about this situation to know that they have not done a Matt. 18 conversation, nor is it appropriate to use Paul's example of a time to "turn him over to the devil." In this case, I see this young man seeking discipleship and the brothers have indicated that they want to send him away---for the very fault that has brought this young man to admit his need for fellowship. I have not spoken-out about this, but I am watching and praying to see when the young man gets someone in his life. There are many ways good men can make a difference for fatherless sons. I love your examples of fishing and sports. However, as you know, young men are not only looking for a good time; they are looking for companionship, guidance, teaching, and even accountability.

I will look up your verse. Thank you for sending it.

[selah]

Hi Selah - "Fathers" can show up in many places. In the fellowship I was part of in Texas, the men made efforts to take the young fatherless boys fishing, or help them with their sports - guy stuff. It was a wonderful fellowship. They preached God's love and discipleship.

I am seeing our societal failures as the failure of the Church.

My husband and I have very little flesh and blood family, but we have the family of God in abundance.

The following verse from Psalms has been a companion to me: "Where my mother and father have forsaken me, the Lord has taken me up."

Nice to see your face again. Jepne

Jepne, how nice to "meet" you online. You said "again." Have we written each other before? I'm sorry I don't remember.

Same here about family; I have a wonderful family in Christ.

The young men that I see have a different story and my heart goes out to them. I agree with you that "our societal failures" are "the failure of the Church."

I see my role as a woman is to pray that Christian men will become active in reaching out to young men who have no earthly father, or whose fathers have let the young man down. The problem reminds me of the scripture where Jesus said that "the harvest is plentiful and the workers are few." However, I don't let myself off the hook so easily. If I am called to action, I must be ready too--to say or do as directed by the Holy Spirit. I'm watching a situation in my community wherein a young man failed miserably and is in need of discipleship. He is seeking, and the men in his church are considering sending him away from the church. I know enough about this situation to know that they have not done a Matt. 18 conversation, nor is it appropriate to use Paul's example of a time to "turn him over to the devil." In this case, I see this young man seeking discipleship and the brothers have indicated that they want to send him away---for the very fault that has brought this young man to admit his need for fellowship. I have not spoken-out about this, but I am watching and praying to see when the young man gets someone in his life. There are many ways good men can make a difference for fatherless sons. I love your examples of fishing and sports. However, as you know, young men are not only looking for a good time; they are looking for companionship, guidance, teaching, and even accountability.

I will look up your verse. Thank you for sending it.

Oh my goodness! I think I know who you are!

(Later, I edited and added text below...)

Jepne, it's so great to hear from you! Thanks for your email today. Now I am sure that you are one and the same. (I don't think we ever wrote each other on forum---maybe once---but I certainly remember you on email. Great to "see" you again...)

Now that I am sure of who you are, I would like to look up your posts sometime, but right now, I'll take off and email you from gmail. Thanks so much for contacting me...and I rejoice with you in your preparation, Sister! May the Lord richly bless you with abundant peace and joy! Indeed, I pray you're blessed with ALL that He has in store for you and yours!