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Steve,
Thank you for your radio show. I live in Spokane and listen to you while driving at work. I download the podcast. Anyway, my son Ian is 3 years old, and today the pediatrician told my wife he should go to pre-school to prepare him for kindergarten. I live on a limited budget so my wife can stay home and I've heard some conservative talk shows talk against pre-school (Dr. Laura, I know you don't care for her). We only have one child and it seems it would be good for him to be around other kids. Also, we aren't very structured people so my son has things kind of carefree. The Doc said Ian would be at a loss if he didn't have pre-school before kindergarten. I've read that it didn't matter and that eventually he'd catch up. Mainly, I guess I feel it would be nice for him to have other kids to play with and some fun activities because at home he sort of just plays with his toys and wants me or his mommy to be his play mate. It's hard also because I live 3,000 miles away from other family and he really only plays with other kids on Sunday in the church nursery.
I guess it would be largely dependent upon my budget, but I could work extra to pay for it or tighten the budget. Anyway, I know you homeschooled most your kids and you didn't tow the party line when it came to society's rules on schooling. Is this something I should worry about or just relax and things will work out? He's mostly on target according to their charts except for writing. That was the problem. The chart said he should be able to copy a straight line after us and a circle, as well as some other things. I told my wife we could get a book at the library to get him up to snuff but she thinks pre-school would be better. What's your opinion. Thanks for any help.
S---
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Hi S---,
Thanks for writing! While I do not believe in telling other people how they must educate their children, I have a strong aversion to preschool—and even to the early grades of elementary school—for the following reasons:
Whether your doctor is aware of it or not, many studies have shown that when children are kept at home with their parents longer, and enter school later, they usually are more secure, more bonded to their parents, less peer-approval-dependent, and they easily catch-up with the kids who entered school earlier (at a less-optimal age for learning). This is especially true for boys, because they are not wired for sitting still under instruction as much as girls are. Girls love to sit still and play quietly with dolls, or read books. Boys usually are geared to run, climb, wrestle, shout, make explosion noises, etc. They chafe at having to sit still all day and listen to someone teach. Why should they have to? God did not design them for that! They will usually be more prepared for learning at a slightly older age than girls.
Unfortunately, when boys do not adjust well to the classroom regimen, they get (wrongly) diagnosed as having ADD, and then they are put on drugs like Ritalin (which is chemically almost indistinguishable from cocaine—ask a pharmacist). Schools and preschools are designed to standardize kids into a single socialistic mold, which many kids (especially little boys) tend to rebel against in some measure. There are several books by educational experts, Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore, which you might wish to read before putting Ian in that situation. Some of their titles are: "School Can Wait," "Better Late Than Early," and "Home-Grown Kids." You and you wife owe it to yourselves to read some of this material before making your decision.
Children's visual acuity is still developing until they are about ten, I have read. It is not good to require them to do very much close work (reading, drawing, etc.) for lengthy periods while their vision is developing, because (many feel) this can lead to near-sightedness. The idea that Ian should, at three years old, be able to draw or write is preposterous! Some kids are able to do so, and others are not. There is no norm! A child who can't walk until he is 15 months old is behind many others, but by the time he is five, he is no worse at walking and running than those who walked at 9 months. A child who still can't read well at seven or eight may be an avid reader at age twelve. If a boy cannot draw or write at age three, it means nothing at all. Let him be the individual that God made him to be. It is the State that has an agenda of standardizing all children to a certain norm. Resist that pressure. I had a son who could not even roll over until he was 9 months old! He is as strong and agile today as any kid with his genetic heritage. Once your boy is ten or twelve, what does it matter how well he drew circles at age three?
It would be good for Ian to have some kids to play with sometimes, but there is nothing wrong with him being more attached to mom and dad than to other kids. It is spiritually safer, for one thing, since any child will naturally be more interested in pleasing and getting approval from the people with whom he spends the most time. It is best if those people are you and your wife—if you would prefer for him to pick up your values, rather than those of kids who are being raised with minimal parental involvement.
Being your kid's closest companion is definitely time-consuming, but what better project can you put your time into? Ian is at a delightful age (I would give a great deal for the privilege of always having a toddler in my home)! It may be inconvenient to give him as much undivided attention as he demands, but you will soon enough wish that you still had him begging for your attention. He will eventually be more interested in being with friends, and will be old enough to spend time away from you. If you are like most parents, you will miss him when he no longer has an interest in hanging out with you. Enjoy it while you can! Nothing else that makes demands on your time is worth as much as is time with your son. He is growing up in a very confused generation. The best thing you can give him is lots of your time and guidance from an early age, and for as long as he will take it from you.
Even if you do not intend to homeschool, you would do well to get involved with homeschooling families in your area. They usually have many children—and well-behaved ones, at that. The wives are stay-at-home moms, who can encourage your wife, and your son will have a social group that will not quickly corrupt him. You and your wife might wish to get and read a book by Mary Pride, called "The Way Home." It will revolutionize your lives.
These are a few of my thoughts. You might also want to listen to my lecture (at the "Topical Lectures" link of my website), entitled, "A Vision for Children." I gave that talk to a homeschooling group in Salem, Oregon, when my kids were still young. Feel free to let me know if there is any other way I can be of help to you.
In Jesus,
Steve Gregg