What to do when they deny?

[Michelle]

I keep going back and forth between thinking it's a virtuous thing to take the woman at her word, to believe the best of her, to assume a pure heart; and, well, wondering how naive I'm supposed to be. This sentence: "At the same time, now that she is separated, Jane begins to date the very man whom provoked the previous suspicion," makes me want to roll my eyes. C'mon, we're supposed to believe that AFTER her husband left she found this man attractive and started dating him? It's all a huge coincidence?

As far as her ministry with the church, I don't know. What kind of ministry would she have that would be so visible to those outside the church? And why would there be a question about her suitability if she's dating another man while still married to John, which she would be if the divorce isn't finalized yet?

[Suzana]

Should the church let Jane participate in a ministry position? It seems like most people would say NO. But she might respond: "On what grounds? I've been falsely accused. My husband divorced me. I want to serve." If the church says YES, the people in the town might very well say: "It's obvious that Jane and this guy were having an affair, but that church just let her go on business as usual. Hmmm."

My thoughts are that the church should not let her participate in a ministry position, on the grounds that she would not be considered “above reproach” and could potentially bring the name of Christ into disrepute, (whether she is innocent or guilty), and probably regardless of how visible the ministry position is – word always tends to get out.

Usually an official ministry ‘position’ implies an acknowledgment of the person’s suitability as a mature Christian, & would be looked up to as an example of spirituality.
If she really wants to be of service to the body of Christ, she could start by foregoing her rights (if she is innocent), and taking responsibility for her part in contributing to the divorce.
She could do with some counselling on
- need of repentance for disregarding her husband’s wishes in not ending the friendship with the other man
- the sanctity of marriage – i.e. she should be working on reconciliation with her husband, not dating another man – least of all the man with whom she was accused of adultery.

[steve]

Brilliantly stated! The idea that someone should have a "right" to be in public ministry, just because they privately know that they are innocent, forgets that ministry is not about us or our rights. It is about the glory of God. Any person who (like the hypothetical woman) would be so clueless of her husband's sensitivities, and so careless about the public testimony of Christ, is a complete stranger to all of those motivations that qualify one to be regarded even as a conscientious Christian—to say nothing of their fitness for public Christian leadership (if that is what is meant by "ministry"). If ministry has its original meaning of "service," then, of course, anybody and everybody ought to be involved in some service for the King, but hers should be that of desperately and most humbly seeking the restoration of her marriage for the glory of God, if not simply for the sake of justice.

[RND]

Perhaps if I use more specific scenarios it'll help bring clarity to any advice given

Case #1
A Christian couple (John & Jane) is struggling with their marriage. Jane has a history of sexual promiscuity from before she was a Christian. Jane starts spending a lot of time with a male co-worker. Rumors start spreading around town. John becomes nervous and jealous. Jane refuses to end the friendship despite John's wishes. John hires a private investigator to determine if his wife is being honest. The PI determines that there is evidence that an affair is going on (embraces, hand-holding, etc). John confronts Jane but she denies an affair. John initiates a divorce. The couple separates.

Meanwhile, Jane continues attending their church. John deepens his walk with Christ and finds new fellowship in a different church (while still participating in small groups at 'their' church. John wonders why the pastors won't discipline his wife. He assures the pastors that he has evidence. The evidence won't "prove" the affair, but rest assured, it's a strong case. Unfortunately, his lawyer says he must wait before presenting the evidence to anyone. Jane, meanwhile, wants to participate in a ministry position at the church. At the same time, now that she is separated, Jane begins to date the very man whom provoked the previous suspicion.

Should the church let Jane participate in a ministry position? It seems like most people would say NO. But she might respond: "On what grounds? I've been falsely accused. My husband divorced me. I want to serve." If the church says YES, the people in the town might very well say: "It's obvious that Jane and this guy were having an affair, but that church just let her go on business as usual. Hmmm."

I wouldn't suggest the woman for a deaconess position....that's for sure. But then again, I wouldn't suggest the man for a deacon position either.

[mattrose]

Thanks for the feedback everyone