Unforgiveness

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_Murf
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Unforgiveness

Post by _Murf » Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:22 pm

I’m looking for a little advice on how to advise another Christian on the sin of un-forgiveness. My sister is holding onto anger/hate for other Christians because they according to her “hurt an innocent”. The innocent would be her son, my nephew. Several years ago he was kicked out of his Christian school right before he was to graduate when his brother did something he shouldn’t have. One nephew probably deserved the punishment but the other didn’t. From my “outside” view I think there is plenty of un-Christian behavior on both sides but one of my nephews really was treated unjustly.
To my knowledge the other Christians involved (school officials) haven’t asked for forgiveness and don’t think they did anything wrong. My concern is for my sister; her inability to “let-go” isn’t healthy. She & I have done studies on why God expects us to forgive each other and looked at versus that tell us what happens when we don’t forgive. She acknowledges that her feelings are sinful but says she simply can’t forgive. (my word would be “won’t” instead of can’t).
So now for the advice part, how do I help her?
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_TK
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Post by _TK » Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:04 pm

Hi Murf-
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Mt. 6:14-15
i know you two have discussed this passage, but how does she deal with it? does she agree that it applies to her? or does she believe that it doesnt mean what it says?

my dad is having a very difficult time with forgiveness as well- my sister's husband left her cold for another woman that he works with (he allegedly was a christian) about a year ago and is now not paying what he is supposed to be paying in child support, etc. one child is getting ready to go to college, one will be a HS senior, one is 13 and the other is 9. my dad is very very angry about this, and i cannot see him forgiving. this man crushed and humilated his daughter, after all.

so i can see where your sister is coming from. I am afraid if I confronted my dad with the verses above, he might say something like "well, if God cant excuse my lack of forgiveness for this situation, then so be it"

i think to some degree it is humiliating to forgive someone, because it is giving up your right to carry a grudge. in your friend's situation, and my dad's, i dont think it is necessary to personally forgive the offender. but i do think their has to be a transaction in the heart and with God.

TK
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"Were not our hearts burning within us? (Lk 24:32)

_STEVE7150
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Post by _STEVE7150 » Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:11 pm

She acknowledges that her feelings are sinful but says she simply can’t forgive. (my word would be “won’t” instead of can’t).


My understanding is that it's not about our feelings because we often can't control feelings but it's a conscience decision to simply forgive even if we don't feel like it.
We may feel it's insincere if our feelings are different but once our mind has changed gradually our emotions will follow.
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_Suzana
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Post by _Suzana » Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:29 pm

She & I have done studies on why God expects us to forgive each other and looked at versus that tell us what happens when we don’t forgive. She acknowledges that her feelings are sinful but says she simply can’t forgive.
Can she try and look at the situation beyond her own reactions, and see the bigger picture?
- Jesus said 'if you love me you will follow my commandments' - does she really want to grieve the Holy Spirit by being disobedient?
Does she want to please God, or fall in with the enemy's intentions to destroy? It's like putting your head in the enemy's lap (like Samson with Delilah), allowing yourself (your feelings?) to be stroked; lulled into sleep, then comes a nasty surprise.
- If the Christians at the school did wrong, does she want to be like them? Instead she can choose to be a good and Godly example to her nephews, and give room to God to work all things for good to those who love him.

If your sister acknowledges already that she should forgive that's a start; she now needs to be willing to ask God to help her to choose to forgive, to please Him.
I guess if you've discussed all this with her, you just need to keep praying for her to be open to the convicting work of the Holy Spirit.
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_Homer
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Post by _Homer » Tue Aug 12, 2008 12:09 am

There is (or was before the "train-wreck' on the website) a rather lengthy discussion about this subject. I was going to bump it up but can't seem to find it. I'm not very good at using search on this forum; perhaps someone else knows where and how to look for it.
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_TK
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Post by _TK » Tue Aug 12, 2008 7:12 am

i remember it Homer- paidion brought it up i believe. i know we talked some about the Amish school shootings and their forgiveness of the shooter and his family.

TK
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_Suzana
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Post by _Suzana » Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:36 am

These are the links to these discussions, but I'm not sure they are the ones Homer is thinking of.

Pressing Charges against a persecutor

Book Review: Amish Grace

Yay, my links work, and are not a mile long. Rick would be proud of me.
Homer, I just typed 'Amish and shooting' in the search query (search for keywords field), and hit search.
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_Homer
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Post by _Homer » Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:01 am

Sue,

Thanks much; I looked at those links but I am remembering a longer discussion altough I could be wrong.
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_Michelle
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Post by _Michelle » Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:26 am

I remember that discussion, Homer, it was my all time favorite conversation we've had here. I believe it took place over a couple of threads. I can't find either of them. I think they got lost in the crash. :(
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_Murf
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Post by _Murf » Tue Aug 12, 2008 4:39 pm

I looked for a thread on (un)forgiveness as well and couldn't find it so if someone come across it please post a link her as well.

TK we have discussed Mt. 6:14-15 and the Lord's Pray and others. She is much like your dad. I think if it only happened to her wouldn’t have the same issue.

Suzana, she claims to understand both sides and she acknowledges her sin but I'm not sure she really does get the big picture because continues in her sin. I've made the point to her that showing un-forgiveness in her home for years has done far more damage to all her sons than whatever the school did one time. That does seem to resonant with her a little. I’ll let her know about the Amish Grace book.
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