The Narrow Path Ministries

Hey everyone,

I am having some difficulties in harmonizing two or three passages. One is by Jesus and the other is by Paul. I feel that I may be called to go into foreign lands where the gospel is not preached sometime after I start and finish at a bible college of some sort. Yet not long after I was redeemed by God some four years ago, I felt that I would find the wife I will marry around 23 or so. I am 21 now. I can't say for sure this or that will happen, that is all up to what the Lord permits, but there are promises in the bible that I believe, and God cannot lie, nor is He unfaithful to His word. All that being said, say I get married one day. It is God's will that I provide for my own, and my household:

1 Tim 5:8 - But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

The thing is, Jesus said some things about being a disciple and following Him, things like leaving your house, family, wife, and children:



Mark 10:29 So Jesus answered and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, 30 who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time--houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions--and in the age to come, eternal life.

Jesus also said things like not to worry about your life, tommorow, but to seek first His kingdom:

Matthew 6:25-34
25 "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 28 So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

So my question is, how do these all fit together? There has to be something I do not properly understand concerning these Scriptures. I mean, how could I provide for me and my household, while at the same time leaving them (?) and not worrying about my life and tomorrow but seeking Him first?

How could we put these all together?

Hi Soaringeagle,

I don't think there is any conflict between these statements. Many men have lived by faith throughout history and had no problem fulfilling their obligation to support their families. However, "living by faith" does not always mean being unemployed. A man in ministry should always live by faith, but this only means trusting that God will take care of everything in his life while he is doing the will of God.

It may be the will of God for a minister to hold a secular job at times (like Paul), while at other times He may call that man to serve in ways that preclude his holding a job (like Peter). When God leads you to work in a paying job, He generally will provide your needs, at least partially, through that employment. When He calls you out of any such employment (because the activities He has for you to do make it impossible to hold another job), then His provision will come through less regular and less predictable means.

The scripture about providing for your household is really an extension of the fifth commandment ("Honor your father and your mother"), because it is addressing the obligation of adult children to support their needy parents (especially, widowed mothers). There is no violence, however, to the text in extending its principle to the other obligations, like the care of your nuclear family.

My family has never lacked for any necessary thing, though I have no predictable source of income. This will always be the case for those whom God calls to live this way, but it requires a number of factors to be present:

1) A willingness to work in any employment that God may lead one to accept—regardless of pay or status (1 Thess.4:11-12);

2) A willingness to be content to live, with your family, in a subsistence lifestyle, if necessary (1 Tim.6:8);

3) A disinterest in maintaining the approval of others (especially of your unbelieving in-laws and your children's grandparents) concerning your way of life (Gal.1:10);

All the above presuppose the prerequisite of a supreme love for God, complete trust in God, and obsession with God's kingdom. When these things are present, items 1 through 3 are easy enough. There are promises associated with these choices, which do not apply to those with different aspirations (e.g., Psalm 34:10; 37:4-5/ Prov.3:5-10/ Matt.6:25-33/ Luke 18:29-30/ 2 Cor.9:6-11/ Phil.4:18-19).

God's promise to provide for your needs includes your need to feed and clothe your family. If God gives you a wife and children, He will be even more concerned for their well-being than you are.

However, to live this way requires caution and prudence in the choice of a wife. It may require that a woman, whom you would otherwise desire to marry, be passed over for lack of her sharing your commitment to the kingdom of God. This is, no doubt, what is meant by "forsaking wives." Hudson Taylor, before he went to China, was in love with a godly woman, who also loved him, and they wanted to marry. This desire had to be sacrificed because, as it turned out, she was unwilling to follow him in his calling to China.

The call of God may even be to remain single (like Jeremiah or Paul). In obeying such a call, a man is forsaking not only wife, but also children. Jesus said there would be abundant rewards for those making this choice.

When you have a wife and children already, however, I do not think it likely that God will call you to go where they cannot, or will not, follow you. It may happen, in rare cases (like Moses separating from Zipporah—Exodus 18:2). There are very clear commands in the New Testament requiring a man to "dwell with" his wife (1 Peter 3:7), to nourish and cherish her (Eph.5:25-29) and not to separate from her (1 Cor.7:12-15).

On the other hand, wives are commanded to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord (Eph.5:22-24), so there should be no case in which a wife refuses to follow her husband in his calling. Even if the woman questions the wisdom of her husband's calling, if she is a disciple, she will follow. Likewise, even if the wife refuses to follow, the husband who is a disciple will put her needs ahead of his own wishes, and should consider that his primary calling may not be to Africa, but to disciple and care for his wife.

The stubbornness of a wife will be to her own detriment, but the husband cannot abandon her, and may see her present stubbornness (coupled with his obligation to live with her) as one means of God putting the brakes on his aspirations. This can be vexing for a husband, which is why Paul, in recommending singleness to those who have the grace for it was seeking to spare men "trouble in the flesh" (1 Cor.7:28).

Having said all that, there may be cases when "those who have wives should be as those who have none" (1 Cor.7:29). I do not know at what times this may be appropriate. Perhaps it is when a woman is so obstinate that pleasing her would require a man to default on his basic Christian commitments. From such cases, if I could do so, "I would spare you!"

P.S.

Since our readers know that I have had two failed marriages, I should clarify that neither of the wives that divorced me ever complained about or tried to interfere with my pursuit of the ministry, and neither ever objected (to my knowledge) of our "living by faith." Both women were very non-materialistic—one because of a "hippie" background, and one for more spiritual reasons. I am not aware that my being in the ministry or our living by faith even put the slightest pressure on my wives or contributed in any way to their departures. We never had any unmet needs or financial crises that were not quickly resolved. One wife left, after a number of affairs, because of her sexual wantonness, and the other left, after 20 years, because of an unmistakable stroke of insanity that abruptly turned her personality around 180 degrees, almost overnight. The latter, no doubt, was aggravated by inner stress from self-imposed legalistic convictions, but I am quite sure they were of a personal nature, not related to our lifestyle. There appears also to have been a hereditary factor in the latter case.

Thanks Steve and Praise the Lord!