If she were your daughter
Allyn,
You have done well and I can not disagree with any of the advice you have received, nor do I have much of anything to add to it. I will tell of a couple cases I am familiar with.
One of our sons and his wife met on the internet. They met each other in person for the first time in a public place. They were both Christians, and have now been married for 11 years.
My mother and father got to know each other about 80 years ago by use of "snail mail". Before they were married, they only saw each other in person once. Dad died unexpectedly when I was 18 years old and I still vividly remember mom saying again and again "he was so good to me". I can honestly say not only did they not argue, I never once heard either of them so much as raise their voice at the other. When I talked to mom about how they got along so well, she said that when they got married they agreed that they would never do anything unless they both agreed to it. They were both Christians.
Sadly, today much change has taken place in our culture, especially regarding marriage, even among Christians. The determination to sacrifice the self to make it work is lacking in many cases. If you insist your daughter only marry a Christian, and this man converts, how will she know it was for the right reason; that it is an actual conversion? It would seem best to me that he is witnessed to about Jesus, with nothing implied about a permanent relationship between them, and see what happens with Jesus. Will he convert if he has no assurance he will win her (your reply to him may have "let this cat out of the bag" already)?
Just my 2 cents.
God bless both of you!
You have done well and I can not disagree with any of the advice you have received, nor do I have much of anything to add to it. I will tell of a couple cases I am familiar with.
One of our sons and his wife met on the internet. They met each other in person for the first time in a public place. They were both Christians, and have now been married for 11 years.
My mother and father got to know each other about 80 years ago by use of "snail mail". Before they were married, they only saw each other in person once. Dad died unexpectedly when I was 18 years old and I still vividly remember mom saying again and again "he was so good to me". I can honestly say not only did they not argue, I never once heard either of them so much as raise their voice at the other. When I talked to mom about how they got along so well, she said that when they got married they agreed that they would never do anything unless they both agreed to it. They were both Christians.
Sadly, today much change has taken place in our culture, especially regarding marriage, even among Christians. The determination to sacrifice the self to make it work is lacking in many cases. If you insist your daughter only marry a Christian, and this man converts, how will she know it was for the right reason; that it is an actual conversion? It would seem best to me that he is witnessed to about Jesus, with nothing implied about a permanent relationship between them, and see what happens with Jesus. Will he convert if he has no assurance he will win her (your reply to him may have "let this cat out of the bag" already)?
Just my 2 cents.
God bless both of you!
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
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A Berean
Hi Allyn
It must be such a blessing that your daughter is actually willing to respect your wishes in this situation.
I don’t know that I have much to add to what others have written.
My main concern would not be so much the age difference, or that they met on the internet (but I think you definitely need to keep as a condition if they meet, to meet at your town), and for you to meet him.
The main consideration for me would be the fact that this man is not a believer.
If they met and the relationship developed beyond friendship, your daughter would need to be very strong spiritually to stick to her principles.
I have someone very close in my family whose friendship with a colleague developed over a few years to the point they plan to be married this year. I had considered her to be a strong Christian (he is not a believer at all), and when they first started seeing each other as friends, her stated intention was that she would not go beyond friendship with a non-believer.
I know this may not be the inevitable result, but it could be a slippery slope, once strong emotions are involved. I guess what I am saying is, your daughter should be made aware of the possibility and the risk she is taking, and maybe set definite boundaries ahead of time, and an escape plan, while still able to think clearly, and maybe have a plan in place to stay accountable to you and her mum regarding this.
I'll join others in praying for you all.
It must be such a blessing that your daughter is actually willing to respect your wishes in this situation.
I don’t know that I have much to add to what others have written.
My main concern would not be so much the age difference, or that they met on the internet (but I think you definitely need to keep as a condition if they meet, to meet at your town), and for you to meet him.
The main consideration for me would be the fact that this man is not a believer.
If they met and the relationship developed beyond friendship, your daughter would need to be very strong spiritually to stick to her principles.
I have someone very close in my family whose friendship with a colleague developed over a few years to the point they plan to be married this year. I had considered her to be a strong Christian (he is not a believer at all), and when they first started seeing each other as friends, her stated intention was that she would not go beyond friendship with a non-believer.
I know this may not be the inevitable result, but it could be a slippery slope, once strong emotions are involved. I guess what I am saying is, your daughter should be made aware of the possibility and the risk she is taking, and maybe set definite boundaries ahead of time, and an escape plan, while still able to think clearly, and maybe have a plan in place to stay accountable to you and her mum regarding this.
I'll join others in praying for you all.
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
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I so appreciate each of the responses and given the fact that dozens have viewed this post I can believe many more are praying as well.
I sent my letter to him with a few changes. The changes came from your responses and from what my daughter suggested. It was so cool how she desired to refine the terminology a little.
Since then I have received back a response. It turns out he felt alittle put on the spot and felt as though he had not made his intentions clear. His letter helped to put my mind at ease and my daughter and I came to a better understanding as the day progressed.
This is going to be a work in progress, but now that the ice has been broken and having read and received so well your advice, I can see God is still in this. I did none of this behind this mans back and my daughter knows I sought advice from my friends here. It was all well with her.
Thank you all and if warranted I will keep you informed.
I sent my letter to him with a few changes. The changes came from your responses and from what my daughter suggested. It was so cool how she desired to refine the terminology a little.
Since then I have received back a response. It turns out he felt alittle put on the spot and felt as though he had not made his intentions clear. His letter helped to put my mind at ease and my daughter and I came to a better understanding as the day progressed.
This is going to be a work in progress, but now that the ice has been broken and having read and received so well your advice, I can see God is still in this. I did none of this behind this mans back and my daughter knows I sought advice from my friends here. It was all well with her.
Thank you all and if warranted I will keep you informed.
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
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