Dispute Resolution Among Brothers

[Guest]

Matthew tells us

“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. 17 “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

But, what are we to do when we have a dispute with a brother who doesn't share a "church" or "fellowship" in the first place?

I am counseling a brother who is being attacked by another brother he knows from a parachurch bible study organization. We are praying for this brother, but I have been hesitant to suggest efforts towards rebuking this individual without some idea of where we would take it in the event he is not receptive. It is a very painful situation for him, and needs to be resolved.

[Guest]

It is not obvious how you "tell it to the church" when the parties do not attend the same church—or possibly one or both do not attend any church. Since the "church" is actually the Body of Christ—wherever it may meet, I would think that, once the matter reaches the tell-it-to-the-church stage, you would be free, at your discretion, to tell any Christians about the matter, if you think that they will be in touch with, or fellowshipping with, the unrepentant individual.

This kind of discipline, of course, does not have the "teeth" in it that church discipline had when everyone in a town attended the same church, but it at least gives an additional option beyond the second warning. In other words, if the second stage of confrontation does not elicit repentance, you could say to the offender that he leaves you little alternative than to expose his behavior to any Christians who are mutual acquaintances with you and him.

If he scoffs at such threats, then telling it to the church is something you would do in any situation where you felt led of the Spirit to do so. However, you would have to use wisdom so as not to appear to be slandering another person against whom you have a vendetta. It may even seem more wise to say nothing to anyone about it, except in cases where you fear someone else may fall prey to or be influenced by this individual.

[Guest]

Steve and Darin, I was once put in a position when the partnership I was a part of had one of us three partners leave under strained conditions. The partner who left demanded that we two who stayed compensate him for what we considered to be unwarrwnted reasons. We refused to compensate him the amount he demanded but instead in the spirit of fairness made him a counter offer just to appease him. We actually felt he had nothing coming other than what our partnership agreement noted.

Anyway that partner (who btw is a brother in Christ) eventually demanded that we take it before the church. Now, the problem was this; I, still being a believer, had no local church home. My other partner had a church family with a local evangelical free church, and the partner who left was a Baptist. The solution came when the pastor from each church mediated the problem and they became arbitrators over the decision of what should be done. I will admit that my first reaction was to say no to this mediating arrangement for what I thought were obvious reasons but soon after I changed my mind because of the Scriptural principal.

The outcome was fair to all 3 of us and it tended to draw the two churches closer together and I had a new respect for the pastors.

[Guest]

but I have been hesitant to suggest efforts towards rebuking this individual without some idea of where we would take it in the event he is not receptive.

Darin,

Please accept this in the humility that it is offered ... don't be hesitant in taking the first step Jesus directed because you're not certain how the second step will be played out. If Jesus said to rebuke the brother - then rebuke him. Don't worry about step two - "for tomorrow will worry about its own things."

peace,

dane