Hi all,
I'm wondering about Biblical perspectives on Elder care. The background is, my wife's grandmother died this year in a nursing home. At the time, my wife and I talked about how we didn't want to see our parents being cared for by strangers. So I guess I'm trying to think practically about such issues.
I'm just assuming that, barring any terrible medical conditions that require trained staff, it might be my duty to take my parents into my home when they get older. The word "duty" makes it sound like I'm grinding my teeth while writing this...I'm not. Any obligation I feel about this is out of love for them.
So, practical...in Biblical terms, who should take in whom? Does the son take in his own parents or his wife's parents? Or both? I'm trying to square the depiction of the families of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (sons seemed to stay with fathers) with the "leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife" passage.
BTW, I'm the only son, and maybe it's patriarchal, but I feel like it's on me to care for my folks, even though they live 2600 miles away (though they're thinking of moving closer). My wife has a brother, so we're wondering if his parents would come under his umbrella.
This all comes off as a bit mercenary...but it's not. I just don't want them to end up in a nursing home.
One other note...my parents are in their sixties and in very good health, so this isn't exactly an imminent thing.
Eldercare
Some elderly people refuse to live in their children's house, as they might "interfere" with the lives of their children or "be a nuisance" to them.
Some people groups have come up with the answer of having a small "grandfather house" right next door. Then the young people can assist their parents in their old age without "being a nuisance". This may be practical only in a rural setting. In a town or city setting, the old folks could live in an apartment next to that of their children, or if the children live in a large house, the parents could live in the basement or in some part of the house with the understandiing that it would be separate quarters and that each family's privacy would be respected.
Some people groups have come up with the answer of having a small "grandfather house" right next door. Then the young people can assist their parents in their old age without "being a nuisance". This may be practical only in a rural setting. In a town or city setting, the old folks could live in an apartment next to that of their children, or if the children live in a large house, the parents could live in the basement or in some part of the house with the understandiing that it would be separate quarters and that each family's privacy would be respected.
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason:
Paidion
Avatar --- Age 45
"Not one soul will ever be redeemed from hell but by being saved from his sins, from the evil in him." --- George MacDonald
Avatar --- Age 45
"Not one soul will ever be redeemed from hell but by being saved from his sins, from the evil in him." --- George MacDonald
Hello
I have been in the situation of taking care of my mom for many years on many levels. She is now in a nursing home. It was very hard for my sister and I, 3 years ago to finally make the decision to have her live in one. No place is perfect. Each situation is different as each parent and their needs are different.
My mother is also "mentally ill" ( for lack of better terms) She has ocd and also has dementia, and serious osteoporosis.She has broken her back several times from just reaching for some thing at a stressed angle for her etc.I even bought a house for her to live in next door with all the best of things I could provide for her to make her at ease.
But after a time even that didn't fill her mental, spiritual and physical needs. I than tried again to move her in with me ( I was a widow by then) She went downhill and felt she was a burden, closed herself off more and more to others and became so childlike I was even feeding her by mouth. It became more than I could handle ( my health started to suffer more, I have MS and wasn't getting much sleep etc).
All her doctors etc. suggested we put her in a nursing home. My sister and I looked at several, it was very depressing on many levels. It was very hard to finally put her in one, but we did after alot of prayer and walking out in faith.
Within 2 weeks she was up and socialising with others in there. She was feeding herself etc. She actually grew in it. It has been 3 years now and she has been up and down with many things. Including she almost went home to the Lord this summer. I have seen the need for places such as these first hand.
But the main thing I have learned so far is no place is perfect on this planet. You do the best you can in love and respect for your loved ones. And In nursing homes, you try and visit alot, keep on top of their care.
And it also gives you many opportunities to not only share yourself with your parent but witness and show Gods love to others ( even workers in there) that don't have visitors or loved ones in their lives.
So God can really use any situation for good.
Just my thoughts.....................glow
I have been in the situation of taking care of my mom for many years on many levels. She is now in a nursing home. It was very hard for my sister and I, 3 years ago to finally make the decision to have her live in one. No place is perfect. Each situation is different as each parent and their needs are different.
My mother is also "mentally ill" ( for lack of better terms) She has ocd and also has dementia, and serious osteoporosis.She has broken her back several times from just reaching for some thing at a stressed angle for her etc.I even bought a house for her to live in next door with all the best of things I could provide for her to make her at ease.
But after a time even that didn't fill her mental, spiritual and physical needs. I than tried again to move her in with me ( I was a widow by then) She went downhill and felt she was a burden, closed herself off more and more to others and became so childlike I was even feeding her by mouth. It became more than I could handle ( my health started to suffer more, I have MS and wasn't getting much sleep etc).
All her doctors etc. suggested we put her in a nursing home. My sister and I looked at several, it was very depressing on many levels. It was very hard to finally put her in one, but we did after alot of prayer and walking out in faith.
Within 2 weeks she was up and socialising with others in there. She was feeding herself etc. She actually grew in it. It has been 3 years now and she has been up and down with many things. Including she almost went home to the Lord this summer. I have seen the need for places such as these first hand.
But the main thing I have learned so far is no place is perfect on this planet. You do the best you can in love and respect for your loved ones. And In nursing homes, you try and visit alot, keep on top of their care.
And it also gives you many opportunities to not only share yourself with your parent but witness and show Gods love to others ( even workers in there) that don't have visitors or loved ones in their lives.
So God can really use any situation for good.
Just my thoughts.....................glow
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason:
both of my wife's parents are in a nursing home due to various serious health concerns. we live nearby so we can visit quite often. we have a bible study there on mondays and they really enjoy it.
i agree with glow; a nursing home is a great place to spread around some salt and light. there are many sad cases w/o visiting family, etc and they love having someone just to talk to.
TK
i agree with glow; a nursing home is a great place to spread around some salt and light. there are many sad cases w/o visiting family, etc and they love having someone just to talk to.
TK
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason:
"Were not our hearts burning within us? (Lk 24:32)
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So Seth, never say never, I guess. Some elders seem to do well in nursing homes.
About the son's responsibilities...I never actually thought about it before, but you got me interested about how families in biblical times did take care of their elders. It does seem that the sons took care of their parents later in life. Even Jesus on the cross apparently made provision for his mother. Maybe that was due to the society, however. Maybe women weren't able to manage their parents' affairs like men could?
My parents still live in their own apartment, but they are aging quickly. I have two brothers; one lives far away and the other bother's wife got into a quarrel with my father earlier this year and won't speak to my parents. Since I live within walking distance it seems natural and expedient that I be the one to look after their affairs right now. I don't think this arrangement is unbiblical (except, perhaps on my sister-in-law's part) because the command to honor one's father and mother has no gender qualification. It's also not mandated for the eldest child (I'm not in that position either.)
I'm curious about the "leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife" passage, too. I'm not sure it has to mean "leave the vicinity for all time, don't ever come back or care anything about your parents again." But maybe, and I'm just thinking out loud here, it does have something to do with your wife's family becoming part of your family.
About the son's responsibilities...I never actually thought about it before, but you got me interested about how families in biblical times did take care of their elders. It does seem that the sons took care of their parents later in life. Even Jesus on the cross apparently made provision for his mother. Maybe that was due to the society, however. Maybe women weren't able to manage their parents' affairs like men could?
My parents still live in their own apartment, but they are aging quickly. I have two brothers; one lives far away and the other bother's wife got into a quarrel with my father earlier this year and won't speak to my parents. Since I live within walking distance it seems natural and expedient that I be the one to look after their affairs right now. I don't think this arrangement is unbiblical (except, perhaps on my sister-in-law's part) because the command to honor one's father and mother has no gender qualification. It's also not mandated for the eldest child (I'm not in that position either.)
I'm curious about the "leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife" passage, too. I'm not sure it has to mean "leave the vicinity for all time, don't ever come back or care anything about your parents again." But maybe, and I'm just thinking out loud here, it does have something to do with your wife's family becoming part of your family.
Last edited by Guest on Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm, edited 0 times in total.
Reason:
Reason: