Desperate for Jesus

[Joan]

So...now I'm wondering how I will get those dishes finished so I can go to bed, huh?? What a silly, busy little picture we must present to our God at times. Or maybe lots of times. What a hard balance to find, between getting done what must be done, yet in an attitude of sitting at the Master's feet, more desperate for Him than for anything else. I've been 'learning at it' for most of my adult life, yet I still have much to learn. Oh well, I'll say good night. The dishes are calling!

[Joan]

Hi Selah, Any news of your son?

[selah]

Hi Selah, Any news of your son?

Hey...praise the Lord! I have been offline for a week or two ( I moved to the country, thank God! where my CricKet Internet card doesn't work). I've missed all of my TNP friends, so thanks Joan, for keeping in touch...

to answer your question---and I was planning to post to you wonderful saints...

My son is in the hospital. He had an accident while riding a "long-board" down a steep hill (at 4 a.m.-ish about ten days ago). He broke his collar bone, wrist and cracked his skull. He is in Intensive Care with a needle in his lower spine draining fluid from his spine. Apparently, the fluid built up in his head because of the crack in his skull and the fluid had to go somewhere so it went into his spine. He finally landed in Intensive Care....

On or around the 7th, I felt really uneasy so I looked for Chris on the social networking sites...facebook, etc. and found him on MySpace. He posted to a "friend" that he had hurt himself but I didn't know how bad it was until four days ago a nurse called me...I immediately called the NeuroTrauma Unit and spoke with Chris. He said he couldn't remember giving them permission to call but he welcomed me to come visit, which I did that night (around midnight).

I have visited him twice and both times, he has been rude and bitter toward me...welcoming me and then angry toward me...he told me today that he is embarrassed around me.

He is quite an artist but uses it illegally (graffiti) and when I saw some pictures of his artwork, I complemented him on his skill. He became angry then and ordered me to leave, telling me he was embarrassed to let me see his work.

Since I already made him upset and I felt I may not see him again, I decided to speak boldly. I told him that my battle is not with him but with unseen forces that end up as thoughts in his head. I told him that someday his art will be to show how great God is. As I left, I claimed him for Jesus Christ. He looked away...

I really wasn't as brave as that last paragraph may make it seem...I really felt...so sad to see that once again, my son is held down---once in jail and now in the hospital.---and both times, fighting mad.

Halfway home, I knew that I will see him at least one more time because I decided to take him some fun food like a cake or loaf of bread and tomorrow I plan to deliver it. I don't plan to stay long enough for him to get mad again. I'll just deliver it with a genuine smile and bless him with true joy in my heart. And then I'll leave.

My daughter prayed for him the other night and then reminded me about shepherds in the middle east, how they would brake the leg bone on a lamb that strayed. She thanks our Father for Chris' broken bones. Chris' x-rays are laying on his bedside table and his collar bone looks horrible, so does his wrist. It looks like they are going to have to either re-brake them to re-align them, or do surgery to put them together. Anyway, the doctors don't want to do anything to them until they know how his skull is doing. The only function that seems impaired is in his hearing. The fluid has caused one ear to become unable to hear. It is unclear as to whether he will regain his hearing but I suspect he will when the fluid is reduced in that area (although I expected that to already happen.)

I'm not near as worried about his physical self as I am about his attitude toward Jesus Christ. Today, I boldly called him back to be a follower of Jesus and to turn away from the "hell you have chosen on earth." (He has meth scars on his neck and face...) !!!

Joan, and anyone else who reads this, as of this writing I am 40 minutes away from him and willing to pray hard without making contact with him. As long as I have access to him (I didn't know his whereabouts or condition for over a month) I think I should bless him and leave fast (before he can get too mad...

I really love him. I guess this is a chance to "bless those who curse you." I don't want to irritate him, so I'll try to REALLY bless him with his favorite fun (and healthy) foods or a good book, etc.

OH...today, I took him some small items that he had shown an interest in while at my house a couple of months ago. One item was a book entitled something like, "Wild Men, Wild Alaska." It is an account of a man's adventures in AK and his finding God! (Chris was born in Alaska and someday wants to return there.) Although Chris refused the Bible that I brought him a few days ago, he accepted this book today! He had been reading it while at my house so maybe he will finish it while in the hospital! I pray the Holy Spirit will speak to him through the pages of that book!

Another thing I brought for him were the pictures that he had asked me to pay the developing for (while he was in jail a couple of months ago). It was those pictures that he let me see today, and then when I complemented his artistic skill, he became angry with me. He said my complement made him mad because I know it is illegal art. I told him it is his skill that I was complementing, not his chosen avenue of expression. I told him that I know that someday he will use his artistic skill to show God's greatness. I told him this.

I have been told that tomorrow, the doctors are going to reassess his brain/skull situation and consider next steps....unknown to me at this time....

When Chris gets out of the hospital, I may not see him for weeks or months----God forbid! so while I have him available, I will bless him. In Jesus' name!

I see that I'm rambling cause I'm repeating myself. so I will thank you and anyone else who wants to pray for my son to pray, pray, pray! God bless you and all your sons too! and daughters...

[Suzana]

Will keep praying, Selah.

[Joan]

Oh Selah, this does sound exciting. And hard. I love the approach you are taking to your son. Gentle, loving and wise. Use it, Father. I can't imagine that Chris would fight back with such determination if the Lord wasn't, in a sense, 'tugging on him.' If he is embarrassed, he may be feeling guilt in your presence. The sudden changes from welcoming to angry might also suggest demon possession, though I've seen such behaviors from people who exhibit no other sign of being possessed. Either way, I think your response would be the same.

Your daughter's insight coincides with what I was sensing as I read your description of what happened to Chris. Let's pray that while he is immobilized, the "Hound of heaven" will grant your son no rest except to the degree that he allows himself to be drawn near (as when he is reading the book, for example). Lord, with every revelation of You, whether through Selah, through the book, or through other believers that You bring to his room, let it be that Chris senses the reality of You, and a strong sense of Your presence. As he pulls away, let him feel unbearable unrest. Shine the light of Your truth into every dark corner of his soul, so that he is fully aware of the state of his soul. Use these days to show him who You are, how much You love him, and what You have done for him. Draw him, Lord! Grant Your amazing peace that passes understanding to his mama, and fill her heart to overflowing with Your praises!

Selah, I have a picture in my mind, of you singing to (and glorying in) the Most High God while you drive those 40 minutes to see your son. Let yourself be filled with His Spirit, and bask in His presence. Pray that as you walk into Chris' room, full of God's Spirit, the very air of the room changes. Set Your glory on her, Lord!! Keep us posted, Selah. What would you think of making note here whenever you plan to see your son, so that those of us who see your post can support you in prayer while you are there?

By the way, congratulations on getting back out to the country, Sister. I'm glad for you!
Many blessings,
Joan

[Allyn]

I think this is a fitting song.

This song had its first impact on me 45 years ago. This link is to a new version but still very powerful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3o3DiMV ... r_embedded

[selah]

Last night I lay awake wondering what the people who are reading this thread may be thinking about this story that is happening in real-time.

Obviously, I am not waiting years after the facts to tell the testimony. I am telling it like it is today. One result I've seen is open posts and PMs from brothers and sisters who also have sons and daughters lost in sin. I asked the Lord how to use this to His glory. One way to REALLY bless our Father is if we join our hearts and minds to pray together for all of our sons and daughters who are not following Jesus Christ right now! Let's pray for a revolution (online definition: a drastic and far-reaching change in ways of thinking and behaving; the overthrow of a government (any rule against Jesus Christ) by those who are governed (ruling our wayward youth); rotation: a single complete turn; A revolution (is "a turn around") a fundamental change in power or organizational structures that takes place in a relatively short period of time.) Today Lord! Today is the day of salvation for our children, both young and old! We implore You by the name of Your Son Jesus Christ that You please bring Light to our sons and daughters! Revolutionize their hearts and minds, Father! May there be No Compromise in their hearts and minds; may they run into Your arms Today!

Brothers and Sisters, would you post scripture which encourages you as you pray for your prodigals? Below, I'll post a few of mine, but would love to read yours! What has the Lord laid upon your hearts?!

Oh Selah, this does sound exciting. And hard. I love the approach you are taking to your son. Gentle, loving and wise. Use it, Father. I can't imagine that Chris would fight back with such determination if the Lord wasn't, in a sense, 'tugging on him.'

I wondered this too. I am reminded of Paul saying, "I press on that I may lay hold of that which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me..." Please Father, never let go of my son! I pledge to hold on to You for him until he can hold onto You by himself. (Who among us can hold onto Him by ourselves! No! Not one!)

If he is embarrassed, he may be feeling guilt in your presence.

I do not seek embarrassment, for I understand the rebellion of the soul, the distrust in Jesus when feeling so brutally ignored by our heavenly Father, yet even so I seek willingness to yield to the ways of Jesus... Mothers are as I Thess. 2:7 "...we were gentle among you...so affectionately longing for you..."

The sudden changes from welcoming to angry might also suggest demon possession, though I've seen such behaviors from people who exhibit no other sign of being possessed.

I consider this too. Eph 6:12 states that "...we do not wrestle against flesh and blood (our children) but against principalities (their thoughts) against powers, against the rulers of this age (evil guides) against spiritual hosts (satanic beings) in the heavenly places (invisible to us)" but take heart "for though we walk in the flesh (as humans), we do not war according to the flesh (with material weapons) for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty (words, i.e. "the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God" Eph. 6:17b) in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge (Col. 1:10b, 11a increasing in the knowledge of God, strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power...) of God, bringing every thought into captivity into obedience of Christ." 2 Cor 10:3-5

Your daughter's insight coincides with what I was sensing as I read your description of what happened to Chris.

So you see it the same way my daughter does. Really. So this is confirmed.

Let's pray that while he is immobilized, the "Hound of heaven" will grant your son no rest except to the degree that he allows himself to be drawn near (as when he is reading the book, for example). Lord, with every revelation of You, whether through Selah, through the book, or through other believers that You bring to his room, let it be that Chris senses the reality of You, and a strong sense of Your presence. As he pulls away, let him feel unbearable unrest. Shine the light of Your truth into every dark corner of his soul, so that he is fully aware of the state of his soul. Use these days to show him who You are, how much You love him, and what You have done for him. Draw him, Lord!

Thank you, Joan! I am so encouraged by you and the others who post, both here and PMed! I have been praying for a long time (years) and sometimes it seems like the goal is so far away...but after reading your prayer I am reminded of Paul saying, "I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil 3: 12b-14 So I pray to remain steadfast in prayer...and the Lord reminded me of this scripture which I remember reading in weepful prayer in 2003, "Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." I Peter 1:13 This scripture means something like this to me: "Stop crying, place your complete confidence in My grace that I will bring to Chris when Jesus Christ is revealed to him."

Grant Your amazing peace that passes understanding to his mama, and fill her heart to overflowing with Your praises!

Thank you!

Selah, I have a picture in my mind, of you singing

(YES ...lah lah lah lah lah...praise the Lord!)

to (and glorying in) the Most High God while you drive those 40 minutes to see your son. Let yourself be filled with His Spirit, and bask in His presence. Pray that as you walk into Chris' room, full of God's Spirit, the very air of the room changes. Set Your glory on her, Lord!! Keep us posted, Selah. What would you think of making note here whenever you plan to see your son, so that those of us who see your post can support you in prayer while you are there?

Wow! such encouragement! I am planning to go today after I sign off from the forum....

By the way, congratulations on getting back out to the country, Sister. I'm glad for you!

Yes, thank you! May you be so blessed too...as to have the desires of your heart!

Many blessings,
Joan

May God bless our REVOLUTIONARY prayers! I look forward to reading your (and writing) many praiseworthy testimonies of our Lord Jesus Christ in our sons and daughters! Signing off: Desperate for Jesus!

[selah]

I think this is a fitting song.

This song had its first impact on me 45 years ago. This link is to a new version but still very powerful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3o3DiMV ... r_embedded

Thank you for sharing this! I listened to it before I posted above and will listen to it once again, before leaving for the hospital. God bless you for sharing!

[Joan]

In the October 15 entry of My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers speaks of the propitiation of Christ Jesus - that is, "His sacrifice for us that completely satisfied the wrath of God." Reading of it, I immediately thought of Chris. Allyn, the song you shared agrees with this focus. Lord, open the eyes of Chris' understanding, that he can see the simple truth of Your Gospel. What an amazing thing You have done for us!

Selah, are you in a fellowship where you have trustworthy friends, so that you are well supported? It seems to me that you might be more vulnerable (as you go through this with your son) than you might ordinarily be, and that your nerves could become raw with so much emotional trauma and all of its accompanying ups and downs. There is a danger of becoming 'undone' in such close-to-the-heart situations. May I offer a suggestion (from my own experience, learned the hard way)? Be sensitive to the Lord's leading so that you don't overextend yourself. If you wait on Him, He'll be faithful to tell you when to go, and when to stay back, when to speak, and when to be silent. "I will guide you with Mine eye..." Blessed be the LORD my Rock, Who trains my hands for war, And my fingers for battle. Psalm 144:1
Yea! The battle belongs to the LORD!!

Blessings!
Joan

[selah]

Selah, are you in a fellowship where you have trustworthy friends, so that you are well supported? It seems to me that you might be more vulnerable (as you go through this with your son) than you might ordinarily be, and that your nerves could become raw with so much emotional trauma and all of its accompanying ups and downs. There is a danger of becoming 'undone' in such close-to-the-heart situations. May I offer a suggestion (from my own experience, learned the hard way)? Be sensitive to the Lord's leading so that you don't overextend yourself. If you wait on Him, He'll be faithful to tell you when to go, and when to stay back, when to speak, and when to be silent. "I will guide you with Mine eye..." Blessed be the LORD my Rock, Who trains my hands for war, And my fingers for battle. Psalm 144:1
Yea! The battle belongs to the LORD!!

Blessings!
Joan

Hi Joan, I am finally online again and want to answer you. Yes, I am in fellowship and there are wonderful people there. I'm not sure I can say I feel "well supported" by most of them, but there are a precious few who show that they care. I feel so blessed to have them in my life! I appreciate your sensitivitiy toward me, and so much do appreciate your prayers. Maybe I don't understand the way you mean "undone" but from the way I think of it, it is okay if I become "undone." If that happens, I trust the Lord will put me back together closer to His likeness.

My son got out of the hospital that day before I could go see him, and I've seen him once since then. He said he would call me the next day, but he didn't and he is not answering my messages or emails--so I stopped sending them. I have not seen or heard from him in several weeks.

The Lord must be carrying me in His mercy because I am not falling apart. I feel firmly rooted in His love; everyday I sing joyfully; I continue to read the Bible (and commentary on Bible verses of interest) diligently; I listen to TNP radio program daily (usually the archive); I attend weekly fellowships, and several times a week I get to quickly browse this forum to read the daily threads, and finally, I am learning to pray faithfully in the lack of physical evidence. God is so good; He is so good to me/us.

I believe the Lord has answered and is answering your prayer for me because I feel the Lord is leading me to NOT pursue my son (in the flesh), but to pray the Lord (spiritually) pursues him. I believe doing nothing tangible is the right thing for me to do for now, yet praying and believing in the Power of God to reveal Himself to my son--and also his wayward drugged-out "friend" (who has taken the place of a 'mentor' over the past ten years). I pray that not only my son, but his drug-buddy, Matt, becomes a Christian too! Long ago, I decided that whoever my son hangs out with gets to be on my prayer list too. I have come to love this young man like a son of my own, although he probably has no clue how much I care. But, I stand on the Solid Rock of salvation, not only for my son, but for someone else's son too! Amen? Amen! It is such a comfort and encouragement to know that there are some from this forum who pray for my situation!

I hope those who wrote about your own loved ones in need of salvation will write again because we could use this thread as a place to pray together and share our faith in salvation coming to our loved ones!